


Two Hearts Set on Fire

by xo_stardust720



Series: you reflect in this heart of mine... it's like you're my mirror [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 7:30am train, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Clint Barton Is a Good Bro, College Student Natasha, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Slow Burn, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, This is a love story, also there's angst, fluff fluff fluff, homeless steve, sappy emotional fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-13
Updated: 2018-01-26
Packaged: 2018-08-14 19:41:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 25,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8026504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xo_stardust720/pseuds/xo_stardust720
Summary: In a world where the first words your soulmate says to you are tattooed on your skin, Natasha has spent her entire life wondering where her other half was. 

  She never thought her soulmate would turn out to be the homeless man that she saw every morning at the train station on her way to school.   
  But love was unpredictable like that, she supposed.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Been itching to write this for awhile now... kudos and comments are appreciated! :)

_Two hearts set on fire_  
_like shooting stars that only we can see._  
_And we're falling into the deep end,_  
_crashing faster than we thought it could be_

_\- Shawn Hook_

 

* * *

 

She was running late.

God, she hated this time of the semester.

Natasha parked her car in one of the last remaining empty spots, before grabbing her backpack and sprinting across the parking lot, towards the terminal doors of Grand Central Station. It had been a late night of studying for midterms, which resulted in her not hearing her alarm clock and oversleeping by forty-five minutes and throwing her entire morning schedule off. She had woken up in a panic, rushed through her morning shower and left her apartment with just enough time to hopefully make a quick visit and then make the 7:30am train to school. She rushed through the doors, moving through the throngs of people going about their day, to the archway where _he_ usually sat.

...Ah, there he was.

The homeless man with the kindest blue eyes she’d ever seen, sat leaning against the wall. He seemed to be a bit anxious, as if he was waiting for her but the moment his eyes connected with hers, he seemed to relax a bit. Natasha rushed forward, her arm slipping out from one strap of her backpack and swung it in front of her. She stopped in front of the homeless man, bending down to her knee and unzipped her bag. “Hi,” she greeted him breathlessly. Pulling out the brown paper bag that she had taken care to put together last night, she handed it to him before zipping her backpack up and standing. “Sorry for being late this morning! Didn’t hear my alarm clock go off.”

The man looked up at her, his blue eyes roaming over her with concern but didn’t say a word as he accepted the bag. The look on his face spoke volumes though, and she knew that he was grateful for the simple sandwich and fruit she gave him. Used to his behavior, Natasha just smiled and shook her head. “I’m doing okay,” she assured him, answering his unasked question, as she tugged her backpack back onto her shoulders. “Midterms are just killer, you know? Ugh. I have one today and my last one is on Monday, so I just have to get through today, and then study all weekend… take the test on Monday, and then I’m free until finals. Fun, right?”

The man’s eyes were sympathetic and he smiled at her as if to wish her good luck with her upcoming tests, and then pointed towards the platform where the digital information booth showed that her train was set to arrive in a minute. “Crap!” she let out a curse, and then waved goodbye to the man as she spotted her train making its way to the terminal. “See you later!” She ran through the crowd, dodging people left and right, and made it onto the train just as the doors were closing and she breathed a sigh of relief. She took a seat on the opposite side of the train facing the windows that showed the platforms just outside it. The man was still sitting in his spot, right where she had left him, and he seemed to be watching her… keeping her in his sights until her train began to move and he disappeared from her view.

Natasha had been coming to the train station practically every single day ever since she moved from the resident dorms into her own apartment in Brooklyn. She wasn’t sure when she had started notice the homeless man, but he seemed to be there all the time… always slumped under the archway where she passed by every day. In the six months since she had started taking the train, Natasha always made sure to smile and wave at him whenever she saw him. He hardly ever looked at anyone, never spoke a word, and never asked for money but he looked lonely, and that was enough for her to do what she did. He was always in the same spot when she got off the return train at night, and again she made a point to stop by a chat a little with him. For all she knew, she was being annoying and maybe she was bothering him… but he never gave any indication that he minded her presence. He never spoke a word to her, but he always listened and he always seemed to appreciate that she even spoke to him at all, so she kept doing it. After all, a little kindness never hurt anyone and this was definitely not a hardship for her to do.

Once, she’d gotten a glimpse of the dog tags hanging around his neck and she guessed that he had been in the army. She didn’t know if the man had been a soldier once upon a time, but she’d taken to calling him that in her head. _Mr. Soldier._  She didn’t like thinking of him as a nameless, homeless person. It was dehumanizing and Natasha refused to put this man in a category that left him forgotten and ignored. There was something about the man that drew her to him, and she couldn’t quite put her finger on why. _Mr. Soldier_ didn’t appear to be that much older than her, perhaps in his late twenties (early thirties?) and she wondered what could have happened to a seemingly healthy man that would leave him on the streets. Though it seemed like he was mute, she knew that he was quite capable of understanding her and was quite intelligent, if the looks he gave her were anything to go by.

She sighed, leaning back into her seat, lost in her thoughts. Automatically, her right hand lifted and pushed back the sleeve of her sweater to trace the letters that were emblazoned on her left wrist. Her soulmate mark.

There were many theories on how soulmates came to be, each one differing from the next. According to the philosopher Plato, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs, and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, the almighty Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning humans to spend their lives in search for their other halves.

The only indication to finding your other half, was your soulmate mark.

Everyone is born with a tattoo of the first words of what their soulmates says to them. The tattoo looks very faint in the beginning, kind of like a faded scar but once you meet your soulmate, the magic surrounding your tattoo will burn, and will turn black. Given enough time, the words will eventually transform into your significant other’s name, showing the world that you belonged to someone.

As a little girl, Natasha often daydreamed the different scenarios in which she would meet her soulmate. Her fingers repeatedly traced the faded white scars on her wrist, wondering when she would meet her other half and having the white letters transform into black ones. As she grew up, her hope never wavered… always waiting patiently for the day they would meet.

_Ma’am._

The first word that her soulmate would say to her. The letters looking faded against her skin, white in color and right there, on her left wrist making it easy for her to look at every chance she could. _Ma’am_ … it was an interesting way to greet someone, wasn’t it? When she was younger, she always thought her soulmate would be a cowboy… someone from the countryside, and how he would greet her would be tipping his cowboy hat and going “ma’am” in a southern accent… like in the movies. Now that she was older, she knew better. Perhaps her soulmate wasn’t a cowboy (possible but unlikely) but he was a gentleman – that, she was sure of.

She wondered if _Mr. Soldier_ had found his soulmate. He always wore long sleeves and layers, so she never saw his skin to see if it was marked. He looked so incredibly lonely though, so probably not. Natasha had a feeling that if the man had found his other half, his soulmate would never leave him to live on the streets. At least, she hoped not.

 

* * *

 

Normally, her Fridays passed by in a slow manner. It wasn’t the case on this day though. Her midterm was the first thing on the agenda for the day, and having been prepared, Natasha breezed through the exam confident that she would get an A. Other than the fact that she’d been running late that morning, it was a typical college day with nothing out of the ordinary happening. She attended class, met up with her friends during breaks, went to a meeting for one of her group projects…  a typical ordinary day, where time just flew by.

That should've been her first clue that her life was about to dramatically change.

After grabbing a quick bite for dinner, she spent the rest of her evening at the library studying for her midterm on Monday. Lame plans for a Friday night, but Natasha wasn’t a last minute crammer like most of the students at her college. She was a serious student, and she was there to do well. She had plans to attend grad school and needed the best grades possible.

It was almost midnight when she decided to call it quits. The train ride from school back to Grand Central Station was a quiet one, and Natasha found that she appreciated the silence. It was rare for New York City to be so quiet at this time of night, especially for a Friday, but she enjoyed it nonetheless. She was slightly disappointed to see _Mr. Soldier_ wasn't in his usual spot under the archway when she walked by it, but alas, it _was_ late at night. Surely he didn’t sleep at the station. Natasha didn’t know for sure, but she hoped he had a safe place to stay at night.

She was making her way outside to the parking lot, pulling her car keys from the side pocket of her backpack, when her senses were suddenly on alert. She froze temporarily, not moving as she strained to listen for any noises. She glanced around. It was quiet, and the parking lot was almost completely dark save for one flickering streetlight but she was the only one around. Hearing nothing, she relaxed slightly but quickened her pace. The sooner she got home, the better. She mentally kicked herself. She knew better than to be out alone this late at night.

She was almost to her car when the sound of crunching gravel behind her caused her to whip around. Her heart began thumping wildly when she saw that there was a man, big and burly behind her. Natasha felt paralyzed by fear as her mind raced to assess the situation. At about five feet away, she could see that he was shaking and sweating, and she noticed his aggravated behavior. Her eyes immediately went to his right hand, where a knife was firmly held in his grip. The smell of alcohol permeated the air, and she assumed that the man was experiencing some type of withdrawal, which only distressed her more.

“What do you want?” Natasha tried to sound firm, but the slight tremble in her voice gave it away.

He was directly in front of her in a matter of seconds with his knife pressed against her throat, surprising her with his swiftness and with his physical stature. She had been to preoccupied with the fact that there had been a knife in his hand and hadn’t realized his full physique, but now, with him towering over her, her fear intensified greatly. He was at least a good four inches taller than her 5’2” frame, and he probably outweighed her by at least 60 pounds. With the knife now biting into her throat, she felt her body begin to shake. “I want all your money, sweetheart,” he slurred, his horrible breath right in her face. “No funny business, understand?”

Natasha merely stared at him, too petrified to respond, too frozen in shock to even think of running or fighting back. The gravity of the situation was finally sinking in, and she realized that this irrational man could easily kill her. In addition to her fear, her panic was making it impossible for her to think. Tears began to gather in her eyes and she let out a sob.

Suddenly, the knife that had been pressed against her throat was pulled away, the arm clutching it yanked backwards and the man let out a cry. Natasha couldn’t grasp what was happening as the sounds of a scuffle began to take place.

She blinked, and it took a few seconds for her mind to comprehend the scene playing out at that very moment.

There, in front of her, was _Mr. Soldier_ fighting the man on the ground. He was taller, and much stronger than she realized as he unfurled himself from the ground and stood protectively in front of her. The drunken man staggered to his feet, and charged at them, and Natasha could only watch in horror as _Mr. Soldier_ tried to block the attack but wasn’t quick enough. The knife sliced into his stomach but not before he managed to punch the attacker hard in the face and knocking him unconscious in the process.

Natasha screamed as _Mr. Soldier_ fell forward and she was _finally_ able to command her body to move, as she rushed up to him. He laid on his side, glancing up at her and she could very clearly see the pain in his eyes. “Oh my god,” she cried, as she watched the blood begin spreading rapidly across his shirt. The copper smell of blood wafted up to her nose, and she choked back a sob as she tried to bunch his shirt together to help stop the bleeding. “Oh my god!”

He grabbed her wrist, breathing heavily through his pain. “Ma’am,” he whispered.

Then she felt it.

It felt as though she was repeatedly getting flipped by a tiny rubber band or a bee sting that didn’t stop stinging. Her body went cold, and then hot, as realization whipped through her, and the burning pain on her left wrist faded within seconds. She stared at the man in front of her.

_Mr. Soldier._

_Her soulmate._

_Mr. Soldier was her soulmate._

His breathing was becoming more shallow, his grip on her wrist becoming looser. “Ma’am… Natasha…” he panted through the pain. “Go… get yourself some place safe.” And then he fainted.

Natasha never thought her soulmate would turn out to be the homeless man that she saw every morning at the train station on her way to school. But love was unpredictable like that, right? She stared at his unconscious body for a moment and then reacted. Grabbing her cellphone from her pocket, she dialed 911, all the while praying that Mr. Soldier would be okay. He was her soulmate. She’d just found him. He had to be okay. He just had to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check out this [ AMAZING EDIT](http://imgur.com/a/eiTAN) that [Spazzgirl](http://archiveofourown.org/users/spazzgirl) made for this story. It's so incredibly beautiful, and I LOVE IT SO MUCH!
> 
>   
>    
> 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh! Thanks so much for the positive, overwhelming responses to this story! Seriously, I'm blown away. Please, keep them coming! You have no idea how encouraging it is to read everyone's comments. THANKS SO MUCH!

She hated hospitals.

Always had.

She hated the sterile white walls, the constant pounding of footsteps as nurses and doctors rushed through the halls, the loud wailing sirens of ambulances… but more than anything, Natasha hated the helpless feeling that consumed her as she sat inside Steven’s hospital room, watching him as he slept. She felt trapped in a pit of _waiting_ , the combination of worry and stress weighing down on her, and being left with too much time to think. She hated that his hospital room was filled with so much coldness and emotional sterility. She especially hated the way the nurses seemed to handle his care, that the fact that he was homeless made him automatically _less_ in their eyes, and they went about their duties in a condescending way.

She wasn’t stupid. She knew how it looked. She knew that most people looked down on people who lived on the streets. That the common mentality was _out of sight, out of mind_. She heard the whispers… the mutterings of “oh, another one” and it made her blood boil. Because facts shouldn’t matter. What _mattered_ was that a human life needed help, and people ( _people who were sworn to help others_ ) were treating him as just another statistic and were doing just the bare minimum.

She _hated_ it.

Natasha sat beside his bed, one hand gripping firmly onto his and her other hand clutching at his dog tags. Yes, she had finally found out what _Mr. Soldier’s_ name was. Immediately after he’d been loaded into the ambulance, she spotted his dog tags lying on the ground next to her feet where it must’ve fallen off in the flurry of activity. The dog tags were warm in her hand, her thumb tracing over the imprinted raised letters on the metal.

_Steven G. Rogers_

She finally knew her soulmate’s name.

She’d been right to guess that he had been a solider, the metal tags in her hand as proof.

Natasha thought back to all the times she had spent talking with him over the past few months, always making the effort to seek him out every morning on her way to school… and how it finally all made sense _why_. She never gave much thought as to _why_ she always sought him out; she just did. She couldn’t remember their first meeting, but somehow he had gotten on her radar and hadn’t left it since. He had never spoken a word to her, she hadn’t ever had a clue that he was her soulmate, and yet, somehow the forces of the universe had drawn her to him anyway.

She looked down to where their hands were joined. The contrast of their skin was glaringly apparent… his hand was gray and almost blackened, dried and cracked due to the exposure of living on the streets, and dirt under his fingernails. Hers, pale white and unblemished, fresh and soft… and yet, when she laced their fingers together, her hand fit perfectly in his. She turned his hand over so that his wrist faced upwards. And there, in plain sight for her to see, was her name tattooed across his skin. It was easily the cleanest spot on his arm, the skin around her name clear and bright, and she got the sense that she was more precious to him than she could’ve ever imagined.

She brought her other hand over to his wrist and rested his dog tags against the side of his arm as her fingertips traced over her name. _All this time._ All this time, he’d known that she was his soulmate and hadn’t said a word, let her keep on believing that she was alone in the world… let her keep on waiting. Natasha didn’t know how to feel about this yet, couldn’t wrap her mind around it.

Out of nowhere, there was a sudden tingling sensation that shot down her arm and she turned her own wrist over. It was a strange sight to see and it didn’t exactly hurt, it was just… _astonishing._  She could feel the magic swirling around her own soulmate mark, and she watched as the letters suddenly began changing; the black ink jumping around a bit and moving along her skin before settling down.

Her word was gone and in it’s place was his name.

_Steve._

_He likes to be called Steve._

Her eyes moved up, searching his still sleeping face for answers. _When?_ When did they first meet? She wished she could remember. She had a feeling that he had been aware of her long before he had ever gotten on her radar. It felt as if she had always seen him, felt as if she had always talked to him.

“Natasha! There you are, _oh_ –”

She turned at the sound of her name, as two of her friends burst through the doors and skidded to a stop. Clint and Darcy both looked at her with widened eyes, and Natasha knew why they looked so shocked. She looked a mess, hell… she _was a mess_. There was dried blood over the front of her shirt (Steve’s blood), and a bandage taped to the side of her throat from where the thug’s knife had shallowly sliced her. She had been at the hospital all night, hadn’t left Steve’s side since she’d had discovered he was her soulmate, hadn’t slept _at all_ … so she was sure that she made a horrific picture.

It was 7am, early for a Saturday. Especially early for a student. And it had been even earlier when she called Clint asking him if he could do her a favor. She’d woken him up, and while he had been all grumbly, he had clearly heard the distress in her voice and didn’t protest when she had him to bring her some clothes.  She wasn’t sure why Darcy was there or how she even knew, but she was extremely glad to see her. Darcy had taken one look and strode up to her, wrapping her arms around her and pulling her into a tight hug. Letting go of Steve’s hand for the moment, Natasha just _sank_ into Darcy’s arms and let her emotions take over. Tears filled her eyes and spilled over, and she let herself cry for a little bit. She could feel Clint coming up and placing a hand on her shoulder, gripping it in a comforting way.

 “Nat, what happened?”

She calmed herself, and Darcy passed her a Kleenex. She blew her nose and looked up at Clint. “Some guy tried to attack me last night, and he saved me.” She gestured towards Steve and then flipped up her wrist to show them her soulmate mark. “Look!”

Darcy grabbed her arm and pulled it closer to inspect it. “Holy shit, you found your soulmate!”

Clint had an unreadable expression on his face as he leaned over Darcy’s shoulder to stare at her tattoo. He’d met Steve once, she suddenly remembered. Clint had been with her one day when they’d met up for coffee before going to school since they had class together. He had been with her when she had gotten Steve a coffee, and she had introduced him. Clint peered at her soulmate mark for a moment longer before sighing. “I had a feeling he was your soulmate,” he said.

Natasha pulled away from Darcy and stared at him in disbelief. “ _What_?”

Clint shrugged. “You don’t look at someone, the way he looks at you, and not be in love. I saw it, Nat. And I think he keeps tabs on you. I swear, I’ve seen him around campus a few times, just hanging around.”

“And you never said _anything_?” Natasha couldn’t believe what she was hearing. All this time. _All this time…_ and she never had any idea. “Why?”

He hesitated but decided to go with the truth. “Like I said, it was just an inkling I had. I didn’t know for sure. Didn't want to get your hopes up in case I was wrong. And Nat? You gotta be realistic about things here, okay? You need to be careful.  You two come from different worlds, and things are gonna be hard. You have to know what you’re getting into before you get into it.”

Natasha couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “Clint, you’re my friend. You’re supposed to be supportive! I could’ve been raped last night. Or killed! I don’t need to be careful around him, he _saved_ me. We’re meant to be together. You think he would be lying here otherwise?” She gestured towards Steve, who was still asleep, tears beginning to fill her eyes again.

“Oookay,” Darcy cut into the conversation. “Let’s just take a breather here. Tasha, Clint _is_ being supportive. He’s just worried about you, okay? We both are. Now, its great that you found your soulmate, it really is. And we’re here for you. For _both of you_. But Clint does have a point, alright? It’s not going to be easy.”

Natasha sniffed, wiped her eyes and went to grab Steve’s hand again. “The best things in life are never easy,” she whispered.

“Ain’t that the truth,” Darcy muttered. “Come on Tasha, let’s get you cleaned up, yeah? Maybe get you something to eat? You look like you could use a little break.”

“No,” she shook her head. “I don’t want him leave him in case he wakes up. I don’t want him to wake up alone.”

“I’ll stay with him until you get back,” Clint immediately volunteered. He moved so that he was standing in front of her and then reached out to hug her. “I’m here for all the support that you need. I just don’t want you to get carried away with some illusion that it’s going to be all butterflies and rainbows or think it’s a happily ever after, okay?”

She hugged him back. “Okay, sorry for jumping down your throat.”

Clint smirked. “You’re such a drama queen.”

 

* * *

Natasha was surprised to find someone sitting with Clint when she and Darcy came back to Steve’s room after she had cleaned herself up a bit, and had gotten something to eat. She stopped short as soon as she entered the room and stared at the guy sitting in the chair next to Clint with a suspicious glare. Who was he? What was he doing here? And why? She couldn’t help it, her protective instincts had kicked in where Steve was concerned.

“That’s Natasha,” Clint nodded towards her. “And Darcy’s the brunette.”

 Darcy waved. “Hey.”

The man stood, stepping towards them and holding out his hand for a shake. He had an easy-going and gentle demeanor that made Natasha relax slightly, and a kind smile on his face. He looked genuinely delighted to see her, as if he knew her already. And as it turns out, he did. Kind of.

“So, you’re Natasha,” the man grinned, shaking her hand. “I’m Sam Wilson. Steve talks about you a lot.”

Her heart leapt to her throat. “He does?” A pause. “How do you know Steve?”

Sam pulled out his wallet and handed her his business card. “I work for the Department of Veterans Affairs that’s located downtown. And I also volunteer for the Drop In Centre where we work to help combat homelessness where possible and offer care and shelter to those in need. I met Steve there a few months ago.”

Natasha took his card and peered down at it. “Are you his friend?” She stared at him seriously. He seemed trustworthy enough but one could never tell, right? It hadn’t even been twenty-four hours yet, and already she knew she was prepared to defend and protect Steve with her life as best she could. There was no way she was going to tolerate anyone looking down on her soulmate. Not if she could help it.

Sam nodded, as if he approved of her questioning. “Yes,” he answered confidently. They stared at one another, as if it was some show down and after a minute, Natasha relaxed fully and smiled at him. He returned her smile and she felt hope blooming in her heart. “I have a feeling you and I are going to become very good friends, Natasha.”

She tilted her head slightly. “You think so, huh?”

Sam gestured towards Steve, who was still sleeping peacefully. “Oh yeah. You see, we have something in common now. I can't be the only one that wants to help Steve, right? And let me tell you, Steve’s situation is… complicated.” He gave her a look. “Think you can handle it? It's gonna be a hard road.”

Her lips quirked into a half smirk, the challenge evident in her eyes. “Bring it on.”

 

\---


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates may be slow, but they'll still be coming. 
> 
> Thanks to everyone to left comments and kudos! Please keep them coming... they really help keep the motivation going, I swear. And it makes me so happy to see that people are enjoying this story :)

_Pain._

It’s the first thing that registers in his mind when he regains consciousness and opens his eyes to an unfamiliar room. Pain is a familiar concept to him though, so its no surprise that he seemed to have found himself in another scrap of trouble. Though, at the moment, he couldn’t really remember what he had done to have gotten himself into this predicament. From the sounds of the hustle and bustle in the hallway, he could tell that he was at the hospital. The air around him was cool and smelled a mixture of anesthetics and disinfectant, which made his nose hurt. He wasn’t used to things smelling so… _clean_.

The second thing he noticed was the weight that was snuggled against his side. And he didn’t know how he could’ve missed it the first time around because Natasha was _right there_ stretched out next to him, on the edge of his bed sound asleep. The ends of her hair were against his shoulder and lightly tickling at his skin, her breathing deep and even. She was on top of his blankets but he could feel her body heat seeping in and he felt warm, _so warm…_ probably the warmest he’d ever felt. He couldn’t remember the last time anyone had touched him, let alone cuddle up to him the way she was. For a moment, he wondered if he had died and gone to heaven, because there was _no way_ that this could even be happening right now.

And then it all came flooding back.

Panic filled him. This wasn’t supposed to happen. This was _not_ in the plan. She was never supposed to have found out about him ever. Dear lord, he was an idiot… _why_ did he have to open his mouth and–

“Well, look whose finally awake.”

His thoughts interrupted, Steve turned his head, looking just over Natasha’s shoulder and saw Sam sitting in the chair next to the bed. His friend was smiling at him, and looking incredibly relieved to see him awake. Sam pulled his chair closer to the bed and looked him over. “How are you feeling?”

“Like crap,” Steve replied. He looked down at Natasha and then back up at Sam. “How…?” he trailed off, not knowing how to phrase the question he really wanted to ask.

“Do you remember what happened last night?”

Natasha’s frightened expression. The asshole who had his knife against her throat. Getting stabbed. Oh yes, Steve remembered it all. He nodded. “Is she alright?”

“Natasha’s fine,” Sam replied. He grinned. “Quite a girl you’ve got here, Steve. Didn’t leave the hospital all night and she’s been here all day. Once she found out you were her soulmate, there was nothing tearing her apart from your side,” he chuckled, shaking his head. “You should’ve seen the verbal exchange she and the nurses had earlier when they came in to change your bandages. Insisted they do a thorough job of checking you over and making sure they do their work correctly like they would any other patient.”

“She did that?” Steve could hardly believe what he was hearing. Oh, he wasn’t surprised at being looked over – that was something he was used to. But it felt very foreign, hearing someone defending him the way Sam was saying Natasha did. It had been so long since he had someone even care for him in such a capacity…

“Why are you so surprised, Steve?” Sam smiled kindly. “She’s fiercely protective of you already. You can understand that, can’t you? That’s something that soulmates do. And honestly, if Natasha hadn’t already beaten me to it, I would’ve insisted they look you over as well. It just seemed like they were doing the bare minimum and not checking everything they should have. They weren’t being very professional, if you ask me.”

Steve shrugged as best he could without disturbing Natasha, who was deeply asleep against his shoulder. He could feel little puffs of air coming from her as she breathed. “What else can you expect? I’m just a bum.”

Sam gave him a sharp look. “Steve, we’ve talked about this. Stop referring to yourself as a bum. You’re a human being too. And you deserve the same amount of attention and care in this hospital as much as anyone else here. Natasha shouldn’t have to guilt the nurses into doing their jobs properly.”

He didn’t respond as he looked down at Natasha, avoiding Sam’s gaze. He stared at her, taking in her features and memorizing them even though he didn’t really need too. He already knew each and every visage of her appearance, from the half smile with her lips pressed together to the quirk of her eyebrow whenever she was feeling playful. Even while asleep, her expression was serene and angelic, and it made him want to protect her from the harsh realities of his life more than ever. She was the purest thing in his life.

The first time Steve ever saw her, he’d been sitting just outside Grand Central Station just killing time and enjoying the warm weather. When you were homeless, you had nothing but time and he often liked to just sit and people watch. He remembered the day clearly, sunny and warm, and a silver car had pulled up to the curb and he watched as a young redhead emerged from the backseat, grabbing her backpack and slinging it over her shoulder. “Thanks for the ride!” she called out, waving at her two friends in the front.

Seeing her for the first time… It was as if he had been drowning his whole life, and struggling to stay afloat, and he was finally coming up for fresh air. His heart had started pounding wildly and he couldn’t tear his eyes away from her as she began walking up the path towards where he was sitting right next to the entrance to the train station. There was no way anyone could miss her, as she was that stunning... turning heads as she walked. She was incredibly beautiful, obviously a college student from the way she was dressed and with her backpack weighing her down with books. He watched as she stopped in the middle of the sidewalk to place her bag down and pulled out a thick textbook to lighten the load, before straightening and resuming her walk.

Their eyes connected as she came closer and she smiled, reaching into her pockets and pulling out a ten-dollar bill. She walked up to him confidently, no trace of the fear that people normally get when they see homeless people hanging around, and she knelt down in front of him to place the money into the cup that he had in front of him. She was even more alluring up close, her green eyes dazzling brightly with happiness, her shiny red hair framing her face, and her smile… wow, _her smile_.

The very fact that she maintained eye contact with him, and that she smiled _at him_ … well, it was the first time in a very long time that Steve felt like he wasn’t invisible. Someone actually _saw_ him, acknowledged his presence, and recognized that he was a person in the world just like they were. She wasn’t afraid of him and it seemed like his body odor that was surrounding the air around them didn’t bother her in the slightest. Never had Steve appreciated such a kind gesture from someone, it made his entire day, week, _year_ even.

She continued to maintain eye contact with him. “Hi,” she said, grinning at him as she began to pull her hand back after giving him her change.

And that was when he felt it.

He felt a jolt go through him as soon as he heard her voice, felt the searing pain in his left wrist… like an annoying, intense vibration and with the sensation of an invisible needle being dragged across his skin. His discomfort was being concentrated in one area, and then it was over in seconds. He sat there, shocked frozen with disbelief, staring at her and unable to speak.

The girl didn’t notice that anything was wrong with his lack of response though. Instead, she just nodded at him and reached out to pat him on the shoulder. “Get yourself some lunch, okay?” Another smile directed at him and then she was gone, bounding up the steps to the train station, off to her next destination.

Steve pulled back his sleeve and looked at his wrist. There, underneath all the grime and dirt, where the faded white letters used to be… his soulmate mark had changed color and glaringly apparent against his skin in black, bold script was the word **‘Hi.’**

His soulmate.

He’d just met his soulmate.

Steve stood, grabbing his cup and meager belongings and hurried inside the station. Grand Central Station was huge and people were everywhere but he spotted her red hair just up ahead and followed her, careful to keep a wide enough space between them so that she wouldn’t notice him. Having lived on the streets for the past two years, had allowed Steve to learn all the pathways of getting onto the platform without having to pay for a train ticket and he shamelessly boarded the train, keeping the redhead in his sights as she took a seat near the end.

He wasn’t surprised to find out that she attended New York University when they arrived at her destination, the giant archways with the large water fountain that stood imposingly impressive as he followed her past them from a safe distance. He watched as the girl walked towards a group of people sitting on the grass by some trees, a study group by the looks of it, taking a seat next to a brunette girl and pulling out her own study materials. His soulmate looked intelligent, looked like such a hard worker, that it was plain for him to see that she had her whole future ahead of her. She was going to go far in life.

It was the day Steve felt bittersweet emotions.

Utter joy filled him as he watched her, having finally found the person that was meant for him in life. He lost count of how many nights he spent lying on the cold hard ground while serving in Iraq, staring at his soulmate mark under the dim moonlight, wondering if he would ever get to meet her or if he would die from gunfire first. When it all got to be too much, he would look at his mark and it gave him the strength to keep fighting, to go on fighting against the horrors that he was confronted with on a daily basis. Many nights spent wondering where his other half was, if she was happy and safe. Many, many questions. And now, here she was right in front of him. Vibrant, kind, and _so_ beautiful. He was incredibly lucky.

And then, his heart constricted as realization set in. As he watched her laughing with her friends, Steve felt his heart shatter and he swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. How could he ever be good enough for her? He, who lived on the streets, who had nothing to his name, who spent every day wondering where his next meal was going to come from… how could he even think of subjecting this young, beautiful, innocent girl to the harsh realities that was his life? He would never fit into her world and he could never let her into his because she deserved _everything_ that life had to offer.

Later that evening, he stood at the Bethesda Fountain in Central Park furiously scrubbing at his soulmate mark, using the ends of his raggedy shirt to clean his wrist as best he could. His skin was rubbed raw but he managed to get most of the grime off and he spent hours looking his word… the word _“Hi”_ that was now in dark, black lettering and reliving the moment he met her over and over. He watched with rapt attention when his word shifted, the magic tingling at his skin and the word swirling around until it changed and became larger, imprinting his wrist with her name.

_Natasha._

Her name was beautiful, just like the rest of her. He lost track of time, unable to figure out just how long he spent staring at her name on his wrist. There was one thing that was for certain. Now that he found his soulmate, he couldn’t just sit around and wait for life to pass him by anymore as he had done for the past two years. And as night fell and he laid on a park bench staring up at the sky, he wondered if there would ever come a time where they could be together. A world where he could provide for her, give her a home, a house that was warm and lived in. He fell asleep, his mind formulating a plan that would hopefully help him. For the first time in two years, he felt hope.

 

He met Sam the very next day.

 

“Steve? Steeeeeeeve.”

He blinked and the memory faded away. Sam was at the edge of his bed, looking down at him with concern. “You okay, man?” Sam asked. “Kinda lost you there for a minute.”

He nodded, avoiding Sam’s gaze and glancing down at Natasha forlornly, his thoughts racing a mile a minute.

Sam saw right through it though. “Hey, don’t go down that road Steve.”

“This is no life for her, Sam.”

“Well, that’s why you’re working on changing _your_ life for the better, no? You’re trying. That’s what counts here.”

“I can’t subject her to the streets.”

“Dude, you’re not going to. If anything, she’s going to help you get off the streets that much faster.”

“I can’t put that on her!” Steve protested, careful to keep his voice low. “It’s not her responsibility!”

Sam grinned, shaking his head. He reached out with his left hand, the ring on his fourth finger glinting in the dim light, as he patted Steve’s shoulder in a supportive manner. “Trust me when I say this Steve, you’re not putting anything on her. Natasha’s going to want to take care of you. She’s your other half and its only natural that soulmates do this. Wouldn’t you want to take care of her if it was the other way around?”

He didn’t answer. Logically, Steve knew that Sam was right. But there was still a large part of him that was ashamed that he ended up homeless, that he couldn’t manage his life in such a way that was presentable. He wasn’t good enough for Natasha, probably wouldn’t ever be good enough… but at the moment, he wasn’t ready to face the fact that she _knew_ he was her soulmate. _This wasn’t in the plan_. Why did he have to go and open his god damn mouth?

Steve sighed.

Sam just shrugged, knowing what Steve’s thoughts were. It was almost unbelievable how much Steve had come to trust him in such a short amount of time. Sam had been after Steve to tell Natasha about his mark for months from the moment Steve had told him about her. “Life is unpredictable man. Look, fate obviously wanted the two of you to meet. You should let her have the opportunity to really get to know you.”

Before he could reply, he felt Natasha stirring against his side. The room fell utterly silent and all Steve could do was stare as the redhead next to him began to move, rousing from her sleep, her eyelashes fluttering as she returned to consciousness. He waited with bated breath as her green eyes opened sleepily and watched as they widened when they met his blue ones.

Natasha sat up quickly, twisting slightly so that she was facing him and tears filled her eyes as the realization sunk in that he was awake. She reached up, cupping his face with the palm of her hand tenderly and he couldn’t help but lean into it. She smiled, happiness lighting up her features. “Hi,” she said.

He couldn’t help but grin back. “Ma’am.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My love for this story grows the more I work on it. Thanks everyone for the kind words and for taking the time to let me know what you think. I loooooove reading the comments for this! :D Makes my day!

_Natasha always hated the beginning of every semester. When she had started her first year of college, she’d decided on a whim to do a double major… something she thought would help her in the long run career-wise. Dance was her passion in life, but it just made sense to have a contingency plan… something to fall back on in case dance didn’t work out. She had chosen to do a Business & Political Economy Degree, something that she found she was good at, surprisingly. Unfortunately, being a double major in school meant having to take twice the amount of courses and Natasha had often kicked herself mentally for putting herself through the stress of wanting to be able to graduate with her starting class. _

_She was stubborn though, so she sucked it up and worked twice as hard. This was to be her last year of school and in an effort to lighten some of her course load for the upcoming year, she signed up for a few courses for the Spring and Summer semesters – a time when most students enjoyed a four month break before the craziness started all over again. But for Natasha, the craziness didn’t stop.  This spring semester seemed particularly brutal because school had just started two weeks ago and already she was knee deep in assignments, and projects._

_The stress seemed never ending._

_To add to her list of things to worry about, she’d recently moved off campus and into a new apartment in Brooklyn because it was cheaper to rent and had more space. And while she was now saving a significant amount of money every month, she’d only had a week to pack up and move everything out of her dorm and into her new place before the spring semester started, so everything was still a mess and boxes were all over the place waiting to be unpacked. Not to mention that she now had to take the train every morning, and that meant getting up even earlier and sacrificing sleep. Still, the half hour train ride was more than worth it if her rent was going to be cut in half, so she could deal with it._

_This is how she found herself arriving at Grand Central Station at six-thirty in the morning on a Saturday. The express train that would take her straight to school wouldn’t arrive for another hour but Natasha hoped that by being early, she would be able to get herself some breakfast before getting to school and spending most of the day studying and getting her assignments done._

_The train station had plenty of people wandering about for it being so early in the morning, though it wasn’t as busy as it normally would be like on a weekday. As she joined the line up at the café closest to her, she let her gaze wander around the station, taking in the people that were around her. Everyone looked mostly grumpy and tired, she noted. It made sense, after all, who liked being awake so early on a Saturday morning? Her gaze drifted until it landed on a figure that was seated slightly off to the side and out of the way, and slumped against the wall under the archways._

_The man that was resting against the wall looked like he had seen better days, but it was the way he was sitting that had caught Natasha’s attention most of all. He was slouched over, but his head was held up high, watching as people walked by him… as if he was interested in their lives. Watching as people went about their day and not even giving him a single thought. His gaze was sharp, and not at all tired, as if he had been up for hours already. She turned slightly to see what he was looking at, and her heart went out to him when she saw that he was watching a couple nearby enjoying some breakfast bagels. Maybe he wasn’t people watching as she had originally thought._

_He was hungry, she concluded._

_“Next!” The barista called out impatiently._

_Natasha jolted out of her contemplation, and stepped forward, hurriedly pulling out her wallet as she did so. She glanced at the display next to the cash register and made a quick decision. “Six assorted muffins, please,” she requested. “And two coffees.”_

_Minutes later, her heart was pounding as she carried the tray of steaming coffees and the box of muffins carefully over to where the man sat. She wasn’t sure if what she was about to do would be well received but she didn’t let her doubts stop her. The man never noticed her approaching and was visibly startled when she suddenly appeared in his line of vision. His eyes widened with shock when he saw her, gazing up at her with a split-second panic and he shifted so that his arms were folding into himself and pulling down at his sleeves as if to hide something. She frowned slightly at his actions, confused as to why he would react in such a way but then realizing that perhaps this was his way of protecting himself. He pressed himself against the wall as if to make himself seem smaller somehow and she wondered just how much human contact he’d had._

_She smiled as brightly as she could and slowly lowered down to the floor in front of him, keeping a respectable distance so that she didn’t spook him any further. “Hi,” she said softly. He was still staring at her, as if he couldn’t believe that she was actually in front of him and talking to him. Her heart thudded painfully, and she bit her lip. “I’m Natasha.”_

_Silence._

_Undeterred, she sat cross-legged in front of him and placed the box of muffins on the floor in between them. “I hope you don’t mind, but I was hoping you would be kind enough to join me for breakfast?” She waited for him to respond but he remained close mouthed, still blinking at her with disbelief. She took one of the cups and held it out in front of her. “Do you like coffee?” The man made no move to take it and she tried not to let it discourage her. “It’s black,” she continued, feeling awkward but determined. “I’m sorry, I didn’t add any cream or sugar but I can go and get some for you if you’d like…”_

_More silence._

_“I usually go for tea,” she continued, babbling aimlessly now. She wondered if it had been a good idea to approach him, but it couldn’t be helped. There was just something inside of her that was settled on seeing this through. She was starting to feel stupid just holding out the cup and waiting for him to take it though. What if she had been mistaken? What if he didn’t actually want food or coffee? What if she was just bothering him?  “But being a student kinda makes me dependent on coffee… I’m starting to rely on it to get me going in the morning now because I have to wake up early to take the train to school… and you know, I didn’t even like the taste of coffee at first but I’m used to it now and–”_

_She stopped talking as his hand reached out and slowly grasped the cup. He brought the coffee in front of him and stared at it before looking back at her. Natasha grinned widely, taking this as a win. “Do you want any cream or sugar? Or both? I can go and grab some for you.”_

_He shook his head and brought the cup up to his lips and took a sip. She watched as he swallowed and let out a happy sigh when he lowered the cup and looked at her gratefully._

_Energy filled her and she opened the box of muffins. She reached for the blueberry one first and held it out to him. “Do you like blueberry muffins? They’re my favorite…” She continued chatting as she offered him the pastry. Though he never said a word, she watched as he ate every last piece of the muffin she gave him, and then ate another one. Happiness filled her and she felt better knowing that he at least had something to fill his stomach, no matter how little it had been. She ate only one of the six muffins she had bought, and perhaps she had been a bit obvious that she had bought that many for the man in front of her, but she couldn’t stand the thought of him being hungry._

_“Will you be here tomorrow? Same time?” She asked, when it came time for her to leave. He hesitated, she noticed, before nodding his head yes. She smiled with relief at his answer. “Okay, then I will see you tomorrow morning!”_

_And that was the start of it all._

 

* * *

 

Natasha found that she liked Sam Wilson.

She now had a comrade in arms and it was almost crazy how much she had come to trust him in the short amount of time that she knew him. Sam just had that kind of aura, you know? He was funny, and charismatic. He told her stories of his life, about his own soulmate, and how he got married. He understood her worries when it came to Steve because he had the same worries and he genuinely wanted to help. And he was at least ten years older than her, but he didn’t treat her like a little kid that needed to be told what to do. Being twenty-one and on the verge of graduating college apparently didn’t give her the credibility that she needed when voicing her opinions, according to some of the nurses that worked at the hospital. Sam had stepped up and taken her side when she voiced her objections at the level of care that Steve was receiving, and the nurses had begrudgingly done their jobs properly. Sam was great and Natasha liked him immensely.

With that being said, Natasha needed Sam Wilson to get out of the damn room.

Fortunately, he had no trouble understanding social cues and one glance from Natasha with a raised eyebrow had Sam excusing himself from Steve’s hospital room and then they were finally alone, just the two of them. An awkward silence filled the room and for the first time, it struck Natasha that she and Steve were about to have their first honest-to-god conversation in which he would be conversing back. Months of her just chattering on about nothing at all were now a thing of the past.

She was still lying on her side, half snuggled into Steve and staring at him with absolutely no idea what to say or how to even start a conversation. She was so close, could feel his body heat seeping through the blankets that covered him. Her hand was still on his cheek and slowly she moved, letting her fingertips silently trace his cheekbone and down over his beard and leaving the faintest of touches on his mouth. She could feel his breath through his lips as she touched him and her eyes searched his, wondering if he was alright with her feeling him up in this way. It seemed that he couldn’t look away from her either… he was gazing right back at her with an intensity that practically took her breath away.

“There’s a bit of green in the blue of your eyes,” she said, then blushed when she realized she had spoken out loud.

Steve chuckled and then reached out, pulling her into his arms further. She went willingly, settling into his arms and pillowing her head on his shoulder. Although she had seen him every morning before she went to school, they were essentially still strangers that barely knew anything about one another. Laying her head on his shoulder felt natural though. Like she belonged there, right by his side.  Her heart was pounding loudly and she wondered if he could hear it against the silence of the room. The tension in the air was so thick, that one could probably cut it with a knife. What did one say to your soulmate after meeting them? She wished that there was some sort of guidelines for this kind of thing.

She was so caught up in her own thoughts that she hadn’t stopped to think of what he might be feeling. She could hear his own heart beating incredibly fast, the shortness of breath that came from shifting around on the bed to accommodate her and the way his arms tightened around her like he never wanted to let her go. Perhaps he was just as nervous as she was.

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?” Her voice was soft when she asked the question, deciding that the best way to get the ball rolling was just to get straight to the point. It had been the biggest thing on her mind ever since she’d discovered that Steve was her soulmate. She had been taking the train every morning for six months now, and had seen him almost every day for that entire time period. She had spoken with him, shared meals with him, and not once did he ever say a word to let her know that he knew she was his soulmate. And he had known. The evidence was right there on his wrist, her name tattooed across his skin.

It felt as if time had slowed down while she waited for his answer. She could feel him press himself even closer to her, his face buried in her hair. He shook just a tiny bit, whether he was cold or just nervous, she didn't know but she told herself to be patient. She _would_ get her answers eventually, she knew.

“I… I couldn't,” he finally admitted. “I had a plan…” His voice was low, and gruff. It sounded harsh and Natasha almost flinched before she realized that he was hugging her even tighter to him than before. She couldn’t deny that it felt wonderful to be in his embrace the way she currently was. He let out a sigh. “I wanted to be good enough first… or least, acceptable.”

Her eyes widened, and she pulled back to look up at him. She wanted to protest against his words, wanted to yell at him for leaving her in the dark, wanted to tell him that it didn’t matter whether or not he was good enough… _he was her soulmate and that was enough_. He should’ve trusted her, and she wished that she could’ve told him that she would relish the chance to take care of him, and to be there for him. Frustration filled her when she saw that he was clearly mentally beating himself up. He couldn’t meet her gaze, clearly ashamed of himself, and her heart went out to him.

 _“_ You deserve better than being stuck with just… some bum.”

Reaching out, she lifted his chin so that they were making eye contact. His hair was long and raggedy, and a strand fell in front of his face that she pushed aside. She hated that he was being so down on himself. In all of her fantasies, never had she thought that she would be meeting her true love this way. But it was what it was. She thought about it briefly and decided that she understood his reasons for not telling her that he was her soulmate. After all, if their positions were reversed, wouldn't she do the same thing? Maybe. “We have what we have, when we have it,” she smiled kindly. “What I _deserved_ was the truth.”

He swallowed and nodded. “I know.”

He didn't apologize for his actions, she noticed. But did it really matter? She hadn't been looking for an apology. While he had been asleep, all she had really wanted was for him to be alright and to wake up. They had found each other in the end and whether he liked it or not, she now knew who he was. She smiled at him. “Thank you for saving me. If it wasn't for you, that asshole could've killed me.”

Steve’s eyes roamed over her face and landed on the bandage that was still covering her neck. “I should've been there sooner.” He sounded regretful.

She shook her head. “Nah, you were just in time. I was pretty scared.”

“Are you alright? He didn't hurt you too badly?”

“I'm fine. Just a scratch, thanks to you.”

“What were you doing out that late? It's not like you. You're usually done school early on Fridays.”

She loved the fact that he seemed to know her routine. Natasha ducked her head. “I was studying for my midterm and kind of lost track of time. I used to stay late at the library all the time when I lived on campus. The station is usually busy and full of people on a Friday night… I didn't think it would be that big of a deal.”

“Natasha,” Steve sighed, sounding affectionately exasperated. “You know better than to be out alone at night.”

“I know.” She grinned at him mischievously. “I promise I’ll be more careful from now on, _dad_.”

He groaned. “That’s just what I need… for people to think that I’m a dirty old man on top of everything else.”

“Hey, I can legally order alcohol anywhere I go now,” Natasha giggled. “How old are you anyway?”

“I just turned thirty in July,” Steve shook his head slightly, half-smiling at her. Her heart quickened at the sight of his lopsided grin and she knew she wanted to see more of it.

“Eh, you’re not _that_ much older than me,” she brushed it aside.

From that point on, they fell into a comfortable silence, the earlier awkwardness no longer lingering in the air. Their conversations were filled with small talk, neither of them ready to broach the heavy topics just yet… but the tiny seeds had been planted and their worlds were starting to form together.

 

* * *

 

Monday morning dawned cool and misty, but Natasha was upbeat and energetic when she woke up to get ready for school. She had spent the entire weekend at the hospital, hanging out with Steve in his room keeping him company, only leaving once to go home and get a new change of clothes. She had spent two nights sharing a hospital bed with him, but if anyone thought it was odd, no one ever said a word to their faces. It was purely platonic sleeping, but it was nice not waking up alone. Steve had helped her study for her upcoming test for most of Sunday afternoon, quizzing her on every aspect of what she needed to know. And although they didn’t get to talk much about where they would go from here, Natasha was optimistic that their future together was bright and that they had plenty of time.

Steve’s stab wound was healing nicely, and the doctor had mentioned that he would get to leave within the next twenty-four hours if things continued the way they were. He had written out a prescription for antibiotics for Steve that Natasha promised to get filled as soon as her classes were over for the day. Steve had looked unhappy when she mentioned that, but he kept quiet and didn’t say anything.

She was in the process of finishing her make-up, staring at her reflection in the small mirror when she noticed Steve stirring. She quickly applied the last of her mascara before turning and heading over to his side and smiling at him from the edge of his bed as he roused from his slumber. He blinked sleepily, and then looked wide awake when he saw her. She blushed at the way he was looking at her, as if she was the most precious thing to him. “Good morning!”

“Morning,” he replied, smiling tenderly at her. His blue eyes roamed over her face carefully. “You don’t normally wear make-up,” he observed.

“Not usually,” she shrugged. “But I have a presentation right after my midterm and my professor prefers that we dress business casual for it.”

“You look beautiful either way,” Steve said.

“Thank you,” she grasped his hands, turned his left one over so she could touch his soulmate mark. She loved that her name was on his wrist, loved knowing that she belonged with someone and that she wasn’t alone anymore. “I have to leave now but I’ll be back as soon as classes let out, and I’ll bring your antibiotics too. I’m going to drop off the prescription on my break and pick it up after.”

“Okay,” he nodded. He seemed momentarily transfixed by her own soulmate mark, his name displayed clearly across her wrist before glancing up and tugging at her, pulling her into his arms. He hugged her tight for several long moments, before pulling away and smiling at her. There was _so much_ left unsaid in the weight of his gaze that Natasha felt her heart flip over in her chest at the sight of it. “Good luck on your test today. You’ll do great.”

Impulsively, she leaned forward and kissed his cheek. His skin felt warm underneath her lips and she pulled back, her face heating up with embarrassment but she couldn’t bring herself to regret it. “See you later?”

He gave her a small smile. “Can’t wait.”

Natasha arrived at school on time and went about her day as per usual. Her last midterm of the semester ended up being a breeze, and her day only got better when her professor complimented on her presentation. She was in such a good mood that her happiness was evident for all to see. Her friends smiled when they saw her in between classes. Darcy had squealed and practically pulled Natasha’s arm off as the brunette dragged her to sit down next to her and demanded that she tell her everything. Darcy found Natasha’s love story incredibly romantic, sighing wistfully at every little detail that she told her.

Clint, on the other hand, was a bit of a debbie downer. He listened to her talk and smiled when it was appropriate but he was still waiting for the other shoe to drop. (“Don’t rush it Nat! Seriously, you still don’t know anything about this guy…”). He was like the older brother that she never had and although Natasha appreciated the fact that he was looking out for her, she was just a tad bit annoyed with his attitude. She tried not to let it bother her too much though because she knew that when Clint found his own soulmate, he would understand what she was going through and why Steve was starting to become the most important thing in her life.

When classes were over for the day, Natasha quickly rushed to the pharmacy to pick up Steve’s pills before making her way to the hospital. A wide grin appeared on her face when she arrived and she enthusiastically made her way to his room with a quick pace, eager to see her soulmate. The sight that greeted her though, made her stop in her tracks and her heart plummeted. The smile disappeared from her face and panic and worry began to take over. The bed was neatly made, the curtains pulled back, and there was a janitor mopping the floor.

And Steve was gone.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the slow updates... the past few weeks have totally been dragging me down, and I was beginning to lose my love for romanogers and writing in general. Hopefully, no one has forgotten about this fic! I won't bore you with my life's story but if you want to leave a little love and happy thoughts, know that I would appreciate it so much. All the positivitiy in the world makes such a difference to me, and knowing that people still want to read this fic, helps. Thanks :)
> 
>  
> 
> Also, check out this [ AMAZING PHOTOSET](http://xo-stardust720.tumblr.com/post/164601044830/sleepygrimm-as-requested-girlwiththeredpurse) that [SleepyGrimm](http://xo-stardust720.tumblr.com/post/164601044830/sleepygrimm-as-requested-girlwiththeredpurse) made for this fic! I love it so much! It's absolutely beautiful :D

_“It’s nice to meet you, Steve. What brings you by the VA today?”_

_The man in front of him had a friendly smile on his face, but his eyes showed an expression of concern. It had taken Steve a better part of the morning to find the courage to bring himself to even enter the building, but when he did, he was right away introduced to Sam Wilson. Sam, who was as friendly and gracious as they come. Sam, who made him feel accepted and safe.  Sam, who he immediately trusted just because he had that aura. Living on the streets had exposed him to all types of people, and his instincts told him that Sam was one of the good ones._

_Sometimes it was hard to believe, but he didn’t always live his life on the streets. Once upon a time, Steve Rogers was a skinny well-adjusted kid living in Brooklyn, with plans to attend art school. He’d been a scrappy child, perhaps a little shy and awkward around most people, but forever giving his mother headaches when his mouth got him into trouble over things that he found weren’t right. He had everything he needed; a mother that doted on him and loved him dearly, a home with a warm bed and meals that she provided him every night, and a best friend that he might as well have called his brother._

_All of this seemed a lifetime ago._

_Meeting Sam Wilson at the VA had been a godsend, and while Steve liked Sam and trusted him… the reality was that he wasn’t the only one that Sam was helping to get off the streets. He was working to change his life, but Rome wasn’t built in a day and most days, he just had to sit there and wait. Time. Time was his enemy it seemed.  It was the one thing about being homeless that he hated. He always had so much time on his hands. And he was always waiting for something… waiting as life passed him by, waiting to see which strangers would be kind that day, waiting to die… always, always waiting._

_However, there was one thing he would always happily wait for. One thing that made him feel that everything he had been through, had been worth it since it led him to her._

_Natasha was a breath of fresh air that brightened his lonely existence. Without fail, she appeared every morning at Grand Central Station at exactly six-thirty and always with some type of hot beverage and nourishment. She would sit there, sometimes next to him and other times in front of him, and just chatter along while they ate their breakfast. She didn’t seemed to mind that he never said a word to her, and she talked enough for the both of them for it not to matter. Steve had no idea how he ended up with such a wonderful and kind person for a soulmate, but he was grateful for it. He soaked up every little tidbit that he learned about her; filing the facts away in his mind for later analysis. He often wondered if she had some kind of sixth sense about him, because why else would she make the effort to come see him every morning? Maybe there were unseen forces at play that led her to him anyway because they were meant to be together._

_It was strange, knowing that his soulmate was actually within reach now. Before, when he’d been in the army, he used to stare at his mark and wondered what his other half was like. Back then, it had been a faceless person haunting his dreams, and helping to give him the strength to survive when he had come to face with the end of a gun. Back then, his soulmate mark gave him the courage to keep going, to keep fighting, and to take his mind off the  horrors he witnessed. He constantly wondered if his soulmate would actually complete him like all the stories said they would._

_Natasha was nothing like he expected. The day his mark burned and changed color, she had caught his attention but it wasn’t love at first sight like so many people assumed it would be. No, that came later, when she was happily sharing her breakfast burrito that she had made herself and apologizing that it probably wasn’t that tasty because she was learning how to cook. (“I use to live on campus,” she’d told him cheerfully. “And there was a dining hall where you could access all the food you wanted. But now that I live in an apartment, I have to cook because eating out all the time is getting too expensive...”). He fell in love with her right then and there, because she was sorry for her food not being delicious, when in fact it was more than enough that she even gave him something to eat._

_He lived for these daily meetings, sometimes even staying overnight at the train station just so he would be there when he knew she would be. She mostly told him stories about school, what class was stressing her out and which project she had to complete by the end of the week. He learned that she was a dancer and that it was her passion in life, but had decided to tackle a business degree as well. She inspired him to take control of his own life and despite the time it took, his life was rapidly improving everyday. She was remarkable… full of energy and idealism, something that was sorely lacking in his own life._

_Such a small impact on the world, and yet, she was the very center of his own._

_Steve often daydreamed of the way he would introduce himself to her. Maybe it was silly, but he held onto the notion like it was a lifeline. He would have a job, and money to take her out to nice dinners. He imagined himself clean, and nicely dressed. She would be waiting for her train like always, but this time he would stroll right up to her and tap her on the shoulder. He would be holding a bouquet of roses, and he would wait until she turned around and their eyes connected._

_He would smile and say, “ma’am.”_

_And she would finally know he was meant for her._

.

.

.

_“Steve? Are you okay, man?”_

_Pulled out of this thoughts, Steve blinked and found Sam still in front of him. His heart was hammering in his chest and a whirlwind of emotions rose up within him at that question. Was he okay? Steve didn’t know. He didn’t know what to do or where to start… how did one begin to even rebuild their life when it was already in shambles? He looked at Sam, hesitating._

_Sam nodded as if he understood and leaned back into his chair. “Why don’t you start by telling me why you came here today?” he suggested kindly._

_It took several moments before Steve could speak. He swallowed and lifted his sleeve to show Sam his mark. “Her,” he said._

 

* * *

Steve woke with a start, his senses on high alert… for the first time in a long time that he could remember, he’d woken up feeling warm and safe, and it was this feeling that sent him into a flash of panic. This wasn’t something that he was used to at all.  His body was tense, his breathing quickened, and he felt cold all over. His eyes darted all over the place, taking in the unfamiliar shadows and various items lying around the room. For a moment, he had no idea where he was but then the familiar scent of Natasha’s strawberry shampoo wafted up and it all came screaming back to him. He took a deep breath, relaxing as he inhaled more of Natasha’s scent. He blinked and his eyes scanned the hospital room, landing on the digital clock that was hanging on the wall. 2:17am on a Sunday morning. The room was dimly lit by the lamp in the corner, and Natasha was sound asleep next to him on the bed.

This time the redhead was snuggled underneath the covers with him and apparently, any reservations she’d had about being close to him were gone the moment he had pulled her into his arms and hugged her. She happily invaded his space as much as she could, and Steve didn’t even have the heart to tell her that it sometimes made him uncomfortable. Years of not being touched and to have it all suddenly in spades… well, he could deal with it as long as it was Natasha. He wondered if he would ever get used to the warmth that she provided.

He shifted slightly so that he could turn to look at her, grimacing as pain shot through him at jostling his wound. As the pain subsided and he was able to breath easier, his gaze took in Natasha’s sleeping form. Her breathing was deep and even, and she was half sprawled on him with her left arm across his chest and one of her legs tucked in between his. She was just _so_ trusting, that Steve almost couldn’t believe it. She hardly knew anything about him, and yet here she was, tucked into bed beside him and probably dreaming away. He knew he had hurt her by not telling her he was her soulmate and she had forgiven him anyway. Not only forgiven him, but accepted his reasons as to why he had kept it from her. He didn’t know how he had gotten so lucky.

Steve wasn’t stupid. He knew that he wasn’t much of a catch. Would anyone be thrilled to find out they had a homeless person for a soulmate? Evidently, Natasha was. She didn’t seem to care at all that he didn’t have a home, a job… she hadn’t even batted an eyelash at his body odour, something that had predominantly taken over his hospital room so badly that even the nurses had to open the windows to let fresh air in. Instead, she willingly touched him, sat next to him, as if his smell didn’t bother her at all. And there was nothing like the proud grin she wore when he had his first shower in months, and she presented him with clothes that she’d had picked out for him from The Salvation Army. The clothes had been gently used, but they were clean and were chosen with care. Never had he been so appreciative of such a thoughtful gift.

Perhaps Sam was right. Maybe Natasha could help him get off the streets sooner than he expected. She gave him hope that things would be alright. That he could still have the life he’d always wanted even before he’d join the army. Dare he hope for it? More than anything, all he ever wanted to was to have a home… and here it was, dangling in front of him if only he had the courage to reach out and grab it.

There were noises just outside the door, and he quickly shut his eyes, feigning sleep. Perhaps it was slightly irrational, but he couldn’t help it. Staying alert and keeping one eye open had become integral to helping him survive the last few years, and was pretty much ingrained into him now and everything he did. But as it turned out, he didn’t really have to worry as it was only a couple of nurses coming in to check on his progress he supposed. He laid there calmly, and quietly so that he could avoid all conversation.

“Awww, look at them! They’re so cute,” the first nurse exclaimed quietly.

Steve fought the urge to smile, as the two nurses were moving around the room. He could hear the sounds of papers rustling, the closet door opening and closing, and keyboard clicks as someone was typing away at the computer. He felt proud to be seen by her side, thrilled that someone thought he and Natasha were cute together.

There was a moment of silence, and then-

“She shouldn’t be sleeping on the bed with him like that,” came the second voice. This nurse sounded older, more stern. “It’s inappropriate.”

“Oh Ingrid, stop being so bitter. It’s not like they’re the first patients at the hospital to share a bed, they’re just sleeping. Plus, I heard they were soulmates! Isn’t that romantic?”

“No Claire, stop being so naive,” Ingrid harrumphed. “It’s far from romantic. Look at what that poor girl is now tied down with… and she's still so young too. If I were her, I would run as far away from that one as soon as possible.”

Steve went still, and his blood ran cold.

“Ingrid!” Claire sounded shocked.

“Mark my words… that man will ruin that girl’s life. It won’t be long before she’ll be living on the streets right next to him begging for money.”

Their voices faded away as the nurses left the room, and the door fell shut. There was the sound of blood rushing in his ears and Ingrid’s words were all he could think about. It was as if the sounds of glass had shattered and he was brought back to reality, his worst fears realized. Even when the truth is hard and cold, and more painful than he could’ve ever imagined at hearing it out loud - it was also absolute. The truth was more cruel than any lie, and he felt foolish for ever allowing himself to have hope that he could have a future with Natasha.

And just like that, he knew what he had to do.

 

* * *

 

Steve barely slept for the rest of the night, though he dozed off here and there. The words that the nurse spoke from the night before were running through his mind, and his heart was heavy with sadness. As night turned into daylight, he spent most of his time savouring the moments in which he got to spend with Natasha. He watched her sleep, counting the numerous amount of freckles that dotted across her nose and cheeks, and relished in the warmth that seeped out from her.

“How many courses do you have left before you graduate?” he asked her later on that day.

“After this semester, four,” she replied. She looked up from where she sat at the foot of his bed, her notes in her lap and smiled at him. Currently, Steve was attempting to help her study for her midterm the next day by quizzing her from the index cards she happily provided for him. “I’m hoping that my last semester won’t be as stressful because I’ll only have two core classes to concentrate on. The other two classes are electives.”

He watched her as she continued to tell him all about her plans for school and for after graduation, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. Her eyes were sparkling... filled with excitement and fervor; her hands were moving around as she spoke, indicating the passion behind her words.  He marveled at the innocence that shone through while she spoke, and he could see it… he could see that she had goals, and dreams that she was determined to fulfil.

_He was going to ruin her life._

The nurse’s words echoed around in his mind as he continued to gaze at her and he bit the inside of his cheek to keep from screaming out with frustration. It just wasn’t _fair_.

There was a knock on the door, and it swung open to reveal Sam poking his head in around the corner. He stepped inside. “Hey,” he grinned. “Mind if I come in?”

“Hi Sam!” Natasha greeted cheerfully. She began to gather up her study materials and placing them into a neat pile on the chair that held most of her things. She stretched, standing up and motioning Sam to take her place while she moved up to where Steve sat. “Perfect timing,” she said to Sam. She smiled at Steve before reaching out and pulling something from beneath her shirt and over her head, before handing it to him. His dog tags. He hadn’t even realized that he had lost them. “I found them on the ground,” she explained, and then leaned in to give him a hug. Steve’s arm automatically went around her and he couldn’t help but smile as he nuzzled his face into her neck for a brief moment. “I need to go home for a bit and grab a change of clothes, so Sam can keep you company until I get back.”

“See you later, Natasha,” Sam waved, as the door shut behind her. Sam made himself comfortable, smiling as he looked over at Steve. “You guys sure became comfy around each other quick.”

Steve ran a hand through his hair, grimacing a bit as his fingers were caught in a small tangle. He needed a haircut badly, it was getting too long. “Well,” he let out a small sigh as leaned further into his pillows. “She pretty much does what she wants, and I let her. She’s very… affectionate. I don’t mind.”

Sam gave him a leveled look. “I imagine it must be a little difficult for you… being touched, I mean. You’ve gone a long time without it, haven’t you?”

“Since before I joined the army, I think. The last person that hugged me was my mother,” he shrugged. “Sometimes it’s a little much,” he admitted. “But it feels nice. Nat gives nice hugs.”

They fell into an easy silence. Sam was always good for that, knowing when to push and when to just let him be. He was always allowed to take his time and Steve appreciated that. They sat there for a few minutes before he began playing with the ends of his hospital gown. Time slowed. And it was like the river breaking the dam… once the thoughts started, it couldn’t be stopped.

It was as if the air around them suddenly grew tense, and Sam sat up straighter looking Steve over with a tad of suspicion. “Something on your mind, Steve?”

He swallowed as dread began to fill him. _He was going to ruin her life._ The words wouldn’t leave his brain and he couldn’t ignore them, no matter how much he tried. He avoided Sam’s gaze, looking down at his soulmate mark instead. Seeing Natasha’s name so clearly displayed on his wrist filled him with anxiety and he let out a breath, unable to contain it all. _He was going to ruin her life._

“Steve?” Sam prompted.

“How…” Steve paused, trying to figure out the words he wanted to say.

Sam waited, concern etched into his features.

“How are my hospital bills being paid?” He finally managed. He held his breath, already knowing the answer deep down in his heart, but needing to hear it be said out loud all the same.

His friend hesitated, and it was all the confirmation that Steve needed. “Steve…” Sam’s tone of voice was gentle. “The important thing is that you need to heal and get better-”

_"How?"_

Sam held his gaze for all of a moment before sighing. “Natasha had some scholarship money saved up that she used.. But Steve, it’s okay. She insisted that she had everything covered when it came to school and rent. You don’t have to worry about her, you can stay here for as long as you need.”

Steve had stopped listening though. He leaned back into his pillows and closed his eyes. It was already starting. Natasha was only twenty-one and still had her whole life ahead of her… and _he was going to ruin her life._

“Don’t do anything stupid, Steve,” Sam warned. “We are here to help you, and we have everything under control. Things will be okay.”

He didn’t bother responding.

(His mind was already made up.)

 

* * *

 

He checked himself out of the hospital the moment Natasha left for school, first thing Monday morning. He moved slowly, going back to his usual haunts, knowing that he would have to disappear from Natasha’s life completely. No more daily meetings at the train station, no more hugs and warm smiles. Already his life was bleak, and he hated that he had allowed himself to believe that it could be different… hated that he wasn’t enough… reality had set in, and Steve knew where he belonged in the middle of it all. He was sure he was doing the right thing for her. He wasn’t about to drag her down with him, not if he could help it.

Every morning for the next week, Steve stood by and watched from his new spot at Grand Central Station, as Natasha appeared. Just as she had before she found out that he was her soulmate, she was there everyday at _their_ spot without fail, and _always_ with a hopeful expression on her face at the start of it. She would wait patiently… constantly looking around through the sea of people for him, and as the time ticked closer and closer to when her train would come, the realization that he wasn’t coming would set in.

And every day, his heart broke seeing the look of sadness on her face, knowing that it was him that was the reason behind it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, an update! Sorry, it took me so long... hit a bit of a writing slump for a little while there. I hope that people are still interested in this story... thanks to everyone who left such kind comments for the last chapter! I was constantly reading them as I was writing ch 6 and it totally helped me to get through this writer's block. I appreciate it so much!

_When Natasha was a little girl, her favorite kind of bedtime stories were the ones about soulmates. Her grandmother often indulged her and told her tales of knights riding in on galloping horses to rescue the princesses, of pirates falling in love with mermaids, and beauties saving the beasts from evil, dark spells. To Natasha’s way of thinking, these fairy tales were really just the epitome of what soulmates were supposed to be. True love conquering all the hardships that were thrown in the paths of all the characters. And every night, after the fairy tale stories were done being told, she would beg her grandmother to tell her own love story._

_You see, Nina Romanova had found her own soulmate when she was young, many decades before and it was Natasha’s favorite story of all. Every night, as she was being tucked into bed, six-year-old Natasha would grab her grandmother’s arm and trace the letters of her grandpa’s name with her tiny fingers. It was often the story that she would fall asleep listening to and it was the story that would comfort her when she was sick or in desperate need of cheering up._

_“Natalia, my darling,” her grandmother would say. “There are many forms of love. You must promise to always remember this one thing… it is not always easy.”_

_“I know that Grandmama,” she would respond, rolling her eyes. “There are always dragons to fight, like in Sleeping Beauty!”_

_Nina smiled at her granddaughter, taking in just how cute a picture she made. Her red hair was neatly braided into two pigtails, and her cheeks all chubby and pinchable. She was so very precious and Nina’s heart ached at the thought of all the coming hardships that her granddaughter was sure to face. “Listen to me darling, very carefully now.” When she was sure that Natasha was listening, she leaned in closer. Her joints ached and she let out a sigh. “You must always wait for your soulmate, Natalia.” She reached out and gently turned over Natasha’s wrist so that her soulmate mark faced upwards and tapped the faded white letters. “When your word turns black, that is when you know you’ll have found the one meant for you. Never be with someone who isn’t your soulmate. Understand?”_

_“Yes, Grandmama,” Natasha grinned. “When my soulmate mark turns black, will I live Happily Ever After?”_

_“Happiness comes in many forms… in the company of good friends, in the feeling you get when you make someone else’s dream come true, or in the promise of hope renewed. Love is very unpredictable, darling.” Nina pulled her granddaughter close and hugged her tightly. “But I hope when you find your other half, you will live a very happy life with one another.”_

 

* * *

Ten days had passed since Steve’s disappearance from the hospital, and since then Natasha had been in a saddened and depressive state. She had never thought of herself to be one of those girls whose entire world was their boyfriend (in fact, she prided herself to be very independent), but there was no denying that her world had become a little less bright, and a lot more lonely since Steve had gone MIA. She had done everything she could think of to find out where he was… from going back to the train station everyday and loitering around to make sure she didn’t miss him, to calling Sam… she even interrogated the nurses that had been in Steve’s room the day he disappeared. Needless to say, she had not been happy to find out their hand in the situation.

“Tasha, you need to snap out of this funk. This isn’t you.”

Of all her friends, Clint was the one that was most vocal about Steve’s disappearance. Telling her to move on, that maybe it was for the best that Steve left because he had hurt her enough and she didn’t need to be hurt anymore… Deep down, Natasha knew that Clint had her back… knew that when push came to shove, she could count on him to be in her corner… but right now, he was really pissing her off. He had his reasons, of course. She knew all the reasons why he was so against love and the idea of soulmates, but she was still annoyed all the same.

“You barely knew him.”

Natasha half-heartedly lifted her head from where it had been resting against her textbooks. Clint was staring at her with a stern expression, and while Natasha knew that this was his version of ‘tough love’ in all it’s glory, it certainly was not helping matters. Beside her, Darcy was nervously biting her lip, watching as the confrontation unfolded but made no move to intervene. From their actions alone, Natasha deduced that her friends had been talking about her situation quite a bit behind her back. It was out of concern for her well being, this she knew. Her schoolwork was beginning to suffer a bit, she knew this too. She’d been distracted and it showed. In the world of academics, if one didn’t stay on top of their school work consistently, it was quite easy to fall behind. Natasha hadn’t yet reached that threshold, but she was getting close.

“This soulmate stuff is just _bullshit_ Tasha, and you need to stop letting it take over your life! It’s not like you love him.”

“It’s not!” Natasha exploded. She was so loud that she momentarily attracted the attention of fellow students around them. People were looking over at the three of them, mildly irritated expressions on their faces at being interrupted while studying. She let out a huff, glowering at Clint. “It’s _not_ bullshit,” she muttered. “I know you don’t believe in love Clint, _but I do_.” She waved her arm, her mark flashing around for her friends to see. “And if he’s meant for me, then I have to stick with him no matter what. And furthermore, I _want_ to stand by him.”

Clint sighed, shaking his head from where he sat across her and Darcy. “I just don’t want to watch you throw your life away. You’ve worked so hard to get where you are, Nat. Don’t lose sight of it over _some guy_. You’re so close to graduating!”

“He’s not just _some guy_ -”

“Okay,” Darcy interrupted, finally deciding to get into the conversation. She had been watching Clint berate her for almost a half hour now and it appeared that she had reached her breaking point. “That’s enough. We’re just going around in circles here and getting nowhere. Let's just take a breath, and talk _calmly_ with each other.”

Natasha settled back into her seat, her momentary anger evaporated as her thoughts turned to Steve once more. Her gloomy disposition returned. “The both of you haven't found your soulmates yet,” she said, quietly. “You don't understand what it's like when the person you're suppose to be with just _disappears_ on you. It sucks. _A lot_.”

“Maybe he thinks he's doing right by you,” Clint offered. “In which case, I would be inclined to agree with his methods.”

“Okay Barton,” Darcy rolled her eyes. “You've made your point perfectly clear. You don't like this situation, we get that. But it's not up to you how Nat chooses to handle this.”

There was a moment of silence.

“I know,” Clint finally muttered. When he looked over at Natasha, his expression wasn't exactly apologetic though. “It's just.. these last few days, you haven't exactly been yourself. You used to be so focused and now it's like you could care less about school. I don't want to see you lose your scholarship, okay? You've worked too hard and have sacrificed too much to lose it all now.”

She could understand where Clint was coming from. Natasha nodded. “Yeah, I know.”

“Okay, now that we've reached an understanding where Nat’s grades are concerned,” Darcy shifted so that she was facing the redhead completely. “How can we help _you,_ Nat?”

Natasha shrugged. “Honestly, I don’t really know what to do next. I was going to go into Manhattan and just wander the streets to see if I can find Steve anywhere. Want to come with me?”

“You were going to go _by yourself_?!” Darcy exclaimed. “Are you serious?”

“Nooo!” Natasha protested, shaking her head vehemently. “I’m not stupid! I was going to meet up with Sam Wilson. He thinks he might know a few places where Steve loiters… we were going to check them out.”

“I’m coming with you,” Clint immediately volunteered. “I don’t know if I like the idea of you being alone with a guy that’s so much older than you.”

“You know,” Natasha began. “I _do_ have good instincts about people.”

Clint snorted. “That’s one way of putting it. The other is, you’re too trusting of people.”

Natasha shrugged.

“Here’s a thought… have you tried contacting the police? Maybe they can help you look for him,” Darcy suggested.

“I tried that,” she shook her head. “Apparently it’s not a missing persons case if the person in question left of their own free will.”

“Oh,” Darcy slumped over in defeat. “Well, I’m coming too,” she added. “Safety in numbers right? We can all look for Steve together.”

Natasha smiled for the first time in days. “You guys really are the best friends a girl can ask for.”  

 

* * *

 

Sam Wilson was a God send.

Honestly, without Sam’s constant wave of support, Natasha was sure she would’ve been more of a basket case by now. Where Clint was being a nag about Steve’s disappearance, Sam was just the opposite. He was positive and reassuring, but at the same time made sure that she was rooted in reality. He was a constant source of good energy that she needed in a situation like this and she was so grateful that she had him in her corner. As it turned out, Sam had been homeless himself at one point in time and had spent years living on the streets of New Orleans before making his way out of his own darkness. Seeing how optimistic he was as a person now… it furthered Natasha’s faith that Steve would be alright too.

(“Steve has been alone for a very long time,” he explained. “Right now he’s having trouble accepting help that is so readily being offered to him. It’s especially tough when it’s his soulmate that wants to help him… he feels that he doesn’t deserve you, scared that he’s somehow going to mess up your life.”

“But I want to be there for him,” Natasha protested.

“I know,” Sam smiled sadly. “But sometimes, our insecurities get the best of us if we let it. You need to be very patient.”)

They spent a few hours searching the streets of New York and Natasha was glad that her friends ended up coming with them because as much as she’d like to think otherwise… there _were_ safety in numbers, and as Sam led them through the seedier areas of NYC, she was glad that she wasn’t searching for Steve alone. They hit the more busy areas first… Times Square, Radio City Music Hall, Madison Square Garden… all places that Sam thought might have a bigger chance of homeless people hanging around hoping to get some change from tourists passing by. It broke her heart, seeing just how many people lived on the streets, with no one around to love and care for them.

“Let’s check one last place, and then call it a night,” Sam suggested when dusk had finally fallen.

“You know, I never really realized how big New York is until today,” Darcy said, as they walked along the pathways of Central Park. “Kinda makes finding someone hard, huh?”

“Don’t worry,” Sam grinned at them over his shoulder as they walked. “We’ll find Steve eventually. He can’t hide forever.”

“Darcy’s right though,” Natasha sighed. At the start of their search party, she had been energetic, filled with hope that they would be able to find Steve but her hope always wavered the more time passed and their search came up empty handed. It was beginning to look like they would have to give up for the night, and try again tomorrow. At least tomorrow was Friday… she would have the whole weekend to continue searching. “New York is too big. He could be anywhere. What if he went to the places we already checked, _after_ we’ve already been there? We would have no way of knowing for sure.”

“If there’s one thing to know about living on the streets, it’s that you always frequent the places that make you the most comfortable,” Sam answered. “We are all creatures of habit. I bet you we’ll find him eventually.”

“You guys have been looking for over a week now, haven’t you?” Clint asked.

“Yes, and I’m going to keep looking no matter how long it takes me,” Natasha stated firmly. She walked faster, moving away from where she was walking next to Clint and up towards Sam in hopes of avoiding another argument. It had been a long day already.

A half hour passed, and the sky grew darker.

Central Park became quieter.

“Sam? Is that you?”

They all stopped and turned, watching as a figure came up towards them. The man looked like he had seen better days, but he seemed to be in good spirits as he approached. Sam grinned and took a step forward, holding out his hand towards the man for a handshake. “Scott Lang,” he greeted warmly. “How are you doing these days?”

“Getting by.”

“Haven’t seen you at the Drop In Centre for a few months now… don’t be scared to come and visit, alright? It’s what we’re here for.”

“I know, I know,” Scott waved it off. “Hey listen, I heard through the grapevine that you’re looking for someone… a guy named Rogers?”

Natasha’s heart stopped and she moved closer. Scott noticed her movements, looking over at her warily, but also curiously. “You’ve seen Steve?” she asked. "Where? When? Can you tell me?"

Scott hesitated briefly, but then nodded. “Last I saw, he was heading over towards Turtle Pond… sometime this morning? Maybe around noon or so. Fella didn’t look like he was doing too good though.”

“Turtle Pond… oh my god, thank you!” Natasha cried, adrenaline filling her veins. She quickly reached into her pockets, searching for any amount of change she could find and was happy when she found a $20 bill. She pressed it into Scott’s hands. “Thank you!”

“Nat, wait up!”

She could hear Clint and Darcy yelling after her but she paid no attention. She had already taken off running.

  
_I’m coming, Steve. I’m coming!_

 

* * *

 

 They found him lying on a park bench, shivering.

"Steve!" Natasha slipped off her coat and wrapped it around his shoulders, though it didn't do much to stop him from shaking so violently. She knelt at his side, bringing a hand up to his forehead. His skin was clammy, and he was burning up, sweat pouring profusely from all over. Immediately, it was clear that he had a fever of some kind. "Steve?"

He wrenched his eyes open and focused on her, though his confusion was evident. "N-Natasha?"

"Oh my god, we have to get you to a hospital!"

"No!" It took a great amount of effort for Steve to sit up, and Sam was suddenly there next to her. He wrapped an arm around Steve's shoulders and shifted so that most of Steve's weight was against him. "No hospitals!" Steve managed to get out, amid a coughing fit.

"Alright," Sam immediately soothed. "Alright, no hospitals."

"We can take him back to my apartment," Natasha offered. "We can get him help there."

Sam nodded in agreement.

She reached out and gripped onto Steve's hand, concern etched all over her features. "Hang on Steve. You'll be okay."

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which, Steve gets a pep talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... it's been about a month... life got busy (sorry!) and updates are sporadic but I hope people are still interested! :)

_He was cold… so cold._

_He drifted in and out of consciousness, unable to tell what reality was and what wasn’t. All the things he dreaded the most, all the things he dreaded for others… his fellow soldiers, manifested in such vivid details that he couldn’t help but believe they were real. He was trapped in a world filled with darkness and no way out. Guns and explosions, screams filled the air. Blood everywhere, and smoke clouding his vision. It was so dark… why was it so dark? Every which way he turned, ran, there was only darkness. He fell to his knees in despair. It was terrifying._

_But-_

_There were moments when it was glaringly obvious that the world to which he had entered wasn’t real… reliving the nightmares of times past when he had been in the war… he felt trapped, unsure of how to wake up from his dreams. These were moments of his past that he knew had already happened, that he had already been able to move on from… moments that no longer haunted him but lingered with him always. These were the moments he realized he was lucid enough to know that perhaps it was the fever that were giving him these hallucinations… that the sickness he’d been fighting was slowly taking over and working its way through his body._

_Then came the nightmares in which he witnessed Natasha in the worst of situations. Her, living on the streets next to him, sunken eyes and covered in dirt. She was skin and bones, dying from starvation because he hadn’t managed to find her food for the day, her cold body on the ground and her lips blue while he was beside her, begging her to wake up. Was this reality? Did this happen? No, it couldn’t have. Natasha had never lived on the streets as far as he knew… but it felt real. Too real. And maybe it was real… It was a whole new fear being realized. How had he let this happen to her? He failed her… he hated that he failed her._

_And then came the singing._

_These were Steve’s favorite moments in which he didn’t care if his dark surroundings were his reality or not. Whether the singing was real or not. It came at different times, most often when he was living through his worst horrors. He couldn’t make out the words, didn’t know the song or the melody but when the singing started, he knew peace. He knew he was loved. He felt it, the wholeheartedness and warmth that flowed through the melody that calmed his soul. And most importantly, he felt safe. He didn’t fear the darkness when he could hear the music._

_If only the song could play forever._

_._

_._

_._

He blinked awake, his senses on high alert as he tried to figure out what was going on around him. He was on his back, in an unfamiliar bed, the sight of pale blue walls and the sun shining through the windows greeted him as he gazed around the room. The windows were cracked open slightly and he could hear the sounds of people bustling about in the far-off distance. He laid still, waiting for the next assault of nightmares to plague him, to pull him back into the darkness.

Minutes passed.

Eventually, Steve accepted that his fever must have finally broken and that the worst of it was over, leaving his body wracked and feeble. His throat was parched and he was completely wrapped in blankets, as he slowly sat up and even stretching his limbs required an enormous effort since it felt like so many parts of his body hurt. He rubbed his eyes and was surprised when he felt a tug at the crook of his elbow, pulling back to see that there was an IV attached to it. Confusion filled him. Was he in the hospital? He looked around the room again, observing the dresser that was in the corner of the room. It didn’t seem like a hospital room… it felt too lived in to be one. Where was he?

“Hello?” He called out. “Anyone here?”

For a moment, there was no response.

Then-

Footsteps could be heard coming from his right, and he turned his head towards the doorway, watching as Sam suddenly slipped through. The look of concerned that Sam had on his face melted into one of relief and a wide smile appeared. “Steve! Man, I’m glad to see you awake. How are you feeling?”

He settled against his pillows, wincing as he could still feel the aches and pains of the last few days. “I’ve been better. Where am I?”

“Natasha’s apartment.”

“What?” He sat up straight, panic filling him. The IV tugged at his arm. “No, no, no… I need to leave… I can’t stay with her… Nat’s life is going to be ruined -”

“You are going to stay _right where you are_ ,” Sam’s abrupt tone of voice stopped Steve cold. He stood at the foot of the bed, his arms folded… and his fierce demeanor suddenly made him seem bigger somehow. A force to be reckoned with. Sam was normally an easy going guy, always smiling and always gentle… in fact, Steve was sure he had never heard Sam sound so disappointed and commanding all in one go before. The look that Steve was getting… well, he was rooted to his spot and couldn’t move. “There is no way in hell I’m going to let you leave, you hear me? I will physically chain you to that bed, if I have too.”

“Sam -”

“Oh no,” he shook his head. “You are not going to give me any excuses, understand? Do you know what you put us through in the last week? Natasha was out of her mind worried over your well-being. Everyday, she called me. _Everyday._ Do you know what you leaving did to her?! I could almost punch you in the face for that. She’s a sweet girl, and didn’t deserve you walking out on her the way you did.”

Not for the first time, shame filled him. He looked down, unable to meet Sam’s gaze. “You don’t understand-”

“Oh I understand perfectly,” Sam interrupted. “You think you’re the first one to end up in your situation, Steve? ‘Cause let me tell you… you’re not. I was a soldier once, fought in Afghanistan. I was also homeless, once upon a time. I know _exactly_ what you’re going through and how it feels.”

Steve’s head snapped up, his eyes widening as this new tidbit of information pertaining to Sam’s life sunk in. “You were homeless?”

“Once,” Sam nodded. “Listen Steve, you can choose to blame your circumstances on fate or bad luck or bad choices… _Or you can fight back._ Things aren’t always going to be fair in the real world. That’s just the way it is. But for the most part, you get what you give. The rest of your life is being shaped right now, at this very moment. Aren’t you tired of how things are for you right now? Didn’t you tell me once that you wanted a life? A home? To be with Natasha? What will you choose Steve? The choices you make… the dreams you can chase… the person you decide to be… The rest of your life can be _a long time_ , if you want it.”

Steve leaned back into the pillows, tears springing to his eyes as Sam’s words washed over him.

“The rest of your life can start right now, Steve.”

“There’s no benefit for her to be with me,” Steve murmured. “I stand to gain everything but she only gets a man with so much baggage.”

“As the significant other of a former homeless man, I can definitely tell you that your way of thinking is completely false,” a new voice floated in, and both men looked up to see a blonde woman entering the room, carrying a tray of steaming soup and a glass of water. She had a stethoscope around her neck and was wearing pink scrubs. It was clear that she was a nurse. She smiled warmly at Steve as she handed him the tray. “Nice to finally put a face to the name,” she greeted. “Sam was pretty worried about you, Steve. I’m Sharon.”

“My wife,” Sam added.

Steve stared at the two of them, looking from one person to the other. He blinked. “You have a wife? You’re married?”

“Going on ten years,” Sharon confirmed, smiling at Sam. She looked over at Steve. “Eat your soup,” she said more sternly.

Steve grasped onto the spoon that was lying next to his bowl and scooped some of the broth into his mouth. He swallowed. “So… you’re-”

“Soulmates? Why yes, we are,” Sam grinned. “Together forever, yep.”

“He says that now,” Sharon elbowed Sam playfully in the ribs, and he laughed. It was amazing how quickly Sam went from being annoyed with Steve, to laughing and smiling the moment Sharon entered the room. “I seem to recall a time when all Sam did was avoid me the best he could. Seemed to think he knew what was best for me… I set him straight, of course.”

“Really?” Steve asked.

Sam shrugged. “I didn’t know any better back then.”

“Another story, for another time,” Sharon shook her head, smiling tenderly when she saw Steve’s questioning look. “Now, I’m going to take out your IV, alright? But you have to promise me that you’ll do your best to drink plenty of fluids and to take your antibiotics. Your knife wound had gotten infected and you’re pretty dehydrated. You need to start taking better care of yourself now… you're still pretty sick.”

“Oh, he’s going to,” Sam cut in before Steve could open his mouth to protest. “Listen Steve, you don’t have to do this alone, alright? I’m here to help you. Natasha is here to help you.”

“Don’t forget me,” Sharon added, smiling.

“Right,” Sam nodded. “Even Sharon pilfered some stuff from the hospital she works at to help you… but we would both appreciate if you didn’t go spreading that fact around, okay?”

Steve didn’t know what to say. “Thank you,” he murmured quiety. And under Sharon’s watchful eye, he finished all of his soup. It was overwhelming, the amount of support that he was receiving from the two people in front of him. It had been so long since anyone cared. It was going to take some getting used to.

_The rest of your life can start right now, Steve._

Sam was right. Logically, he knew deep down that Sam was right. But it was a hard adjustment after being alone for so many years, that even the idea of it scared Steve right down to his very bones. And he did want a life. He wanted it so badly that to have it all dangling right in front him… well, it was terrifying. He didn’t know how to react. Doubts plagued him at every turn. “Where’s Natasha?” he asked.

“She’s at school,” Sam replied. “She wanted to skip class since you were having nightmares. When your hallucinations got really bad, she would sing to you and it calmed you down a lot.”

He frowned, distinctly remembering the melody from his nightmares. "She did?"

“It was remarkable,” Sharon added. “And so very sweet. But we managed to convince her to go to class after it looked like you had settled into a restful sleep.”

“She only left when I promised to stay here until she got back,” Sam grinned. “I think she’s afraid you might run off again. Which is not going to happen under my watch.”

He looked away in guilt. “I won't run anymore,” he said, quietly.

“Good,” Sam’s tone was softer, back to his usual self now that he was convinced that Steve wouldn't up and disappear from them again. “What’s really bugging you, Steve?”

Steve hesitated, but an encouraging smile from Sharon helped put him at ease. Looking at the two of them, it was almost hard to comprehend that Sam had been homeless once. The man in front of him looked strong and healthy, _happy_ . His clothes looked new, bright with color and without any tear or holes. They weren’t worn thin and were instead made to _fit_ rather than just something to cover skin and to keep him warm. The biggest thing though... was the way Sam _stood_. Tall and proud, like he had overcome a lot and was still standing despite the things life threw at him. Confident. And seeing Sharon stand next to him… seeing the way the blonde woman looked at his friend, full of love…

It made Steve want to stand tall too.

It was incredibly terrifying.

“What if I lose it all again?” He whispered. “What if I get everything, and I lose it all again?”

Sharon stepped away from Sam and placed a hand on his arm in a comforting gesture. She pulled away after a brief moment, but leaned down slightly so that they maintained eye contact. “I think this means that you have something to fight for. Pretty good motivator, don’t you think?”

“Some stuff you leave there… other stuff you bring back,” Sam added. “We’ve all got the same problems… guilt, regret… it's our job to figure out how to carry it. And you know what Steve? I get that it’s hard to trust people again, after what you’ve been through… but it’s okay to lean on others. You just need to have a little faith. It’s how we make the world a better place.”

He could only nod.

 

* * *

 

Someone was watching him.

Steve had woken up several minutes ago, but kept his eyes closed and his breathing even. There was someone else in the room with him but was seated far enough away for Steve to know that it wasn’t Natasha. He could feel the weight of someone’s gaze settling on him and it wasn’t exactly friendly. The presence almost felt imposing and yet, the person didn’t want to be there. Steve could hear them shifting around impatiently, and the sound of shuffling papers floating back and forth. Was it Sam?

“I know you’re awake. You might as well stop pretending.”

Steve blinked his eyes open, only to find one of Natasha’s friends sitting in a chair a few feet away. Clint was staring at him contemplatively and immediately, he could tell that it was out of concern for his friend. Months of meeting Natasha every morning at the train station had allowed Steve to learn a lot about her, and he instantly recognized Clint’s place in Natasha’s life. If Steve hadn’t known he was Natasha’s soulmate, he would have been incredibly jealous of Clint’s relationship with her. Having his mark definitely gave him a sense of security in that respect.

From the way that he was glaring at him, Steve suspected that Clint didn’t like Steve being Natasha’s soulmate. He was protective of her, probably more than was necessary and he wondered why that was.

Clint regarded him with suspicion, and with a lot of dislike. “I don’t like you,” he said.

Steve nodded. “That’s alright. I don’t need you to like me.”

“Tasha can do better.”

“She definitely can,” he agreed. “She deserves better than me.”

Clint sighed, leaning back into his chair. “You’re her soulmate though,” he said quietly, almost as if he was speaking to himself. He glanced back up at Steve. “I want to like you, Steve. You’re her soulmate… which means you’re family now. And you don’t treat family the way you’ve been treating her. You don’t walk out and disappear.”

He stared at Clint, confusion filling him. He had known that Natasha had been close with her friends, but not to the extent that they considered themselves a family. He was learning something new everyday. “I’ll do my best by her.”

“No,” Clint shook his head. “You’ll be better than that. I want to know that you’ll stick around when things get hard. She doesn’t like being alone, you know.”

“But… her family?”

Clint shook his head. “She doesn’t have any family… but I’ll let her tell you all about it. Darcy and I, we’re her family. And that family now includes you.”

“I… I don't know what to say…”

“Look, Tasha and I grew up together… she’s like my sister. There's nothing that I wouldn't do for her. And soldier or not, if you ever make her cry again, I _will_ kick your ass.”

Steve nodded, not feeling the least bit offended. “I'm done running.”

“I'll believe it when I see it,” Clint sighed but directed a tiny smile at him. “I hope you turn out to be the soulmate she thinks you are. She deserves to be taken care of. Not everyone is so lucky you know. Some of us don't believe in love.”

Surprise filled him. Steve could very clearly see Clint’s own soulmate mark on his wrist. The faded white letters told him that Clint hadn’t yet found his other half. He wondered what had happened to him that made him so jaded about the idea of love. He was still so young. Just a college kid with the whole world still in front of him. “You don't?”

“Nothing ever good came from loving somebody,” Clint muttered, shrugging. “But I hope that isn’t the case for the both of you.”

It appeared that Clint had reached some sort of acceptance when it came to his role in Natasha’s life. He had stated his opinion and once he was sure that Steve had understood where he was coming from, he had let it all go.  There was nothing left to say it seemed.

Except-

“Dude, you need a shower. You stink.”

For a second, Steve didn’t know how to react. He stared at Clint, startled, until he noticed that the other man’s lips were twitching. And then without warning, the both of them dissolved into laughter. It felt nice, being able to laugh with someone again. As much as Steve knew that Clint wasn’t exactly a fan of his, he was alright with it because for once, he didn’t feel invisible. He smiled, feeling lighter than he had in days. “Do you think Natasha would mind if I used her shower?”

“Nah, she won’t care,” Clint shrugged as he stood up from where he was sitting. “I’ll find you some clothes that you can change into. I feel like I should warn you though. Tasha is pretty-” Clint froze as his attention shifted and he stopped talking mid-sentence. Steve looked over at the doorway, and his heart stopped when he saw Natasha standing there. She was gazing at the two of them with an unreadable expression on her face.

“Peace out,” Clint booked it out of there as fast as he could to avoid the sudden awkwardness that was in the air.

“What Clint was trying to say,” Natasha said, as she moved into the room, throwing her backpack into a corner where it landed with a thud. “Is that I am so pissed off at you for leaving without a word. Do you know how worried I’ve been?”

“I… I’m sorry,” he stammered.

She smiled, stepping towards him. “I know,” she soothed, wrapped her arms around him with no hesitation. “Please don’t do it again.”

His arms automatically went around her waist. “I promise I won’t.”

From then on, there was an unspoken agreement that he would move in with Natasha, and as he discovered… it was only the beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're gonna leave a comment, please let them be nice ones :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so its been almost a year since I've updated this fic but I hope people are still interested... I swear, I'm going to finish it one of these days...
> 
>  
> 
> Check out this AMAZING, AMAZING, AMAZING artwork that [Faith2nyc](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Faith2nyc) made for this story. It's _gorgeous_ , and nothing could fit the image of what I imagine this fic to be, better than this edit right here. There aren't enough words to describe how much I LOVE IT! THANK YOU SO MUCH for taking the time to make this!
> 
>   
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> 

 

“Tasha, would you chill out? All of your fidgeting is distracting and I can’t concentrate. I have to finish this essay by Monday and I only have so much time to do it.”

Startled from her thoughts, Natasha looked over at Clint. Her friend was sitting beside her, his laptop opened in front of him and looking over the small pile of papers that littered their table. There was a pencil sticking out the side of his ear and he looked irritated as he tugged the apron he was wearing back down as it rode up his waist. She watched as Clint typed a few strokes on his keyboard, before shaking his head and sighing with frustration as he hit the ‘delete’ button several times. “I’m never gonna finish this essay on time,” he muttered.

“That’s what you get for procrastinating,” she replied. “Should you really be doing homework while you’re at work?”

Clint gestured around them at all the empty tables. “Yeah, cause we’re so busy,” the sarcasm dripping from his voice was evident. They were currently sitting in _Fury’s Java Shop_ , where Clint was attempting to finish his homework, and while Natasha had brought her books with her, she couldn’t focus on her own ever-growing pile of things to do. It was 9am on a Saturday morning and it was odd that the coffee shop was so empty this early, though it did happen on occasion. They were the only two people in the store. “And I’m not procrastinating… I had this essay started a week ago, it’s just taking me sometime to get my thoughts down. Besides, Fury doesn’t mind us doing school work as long as we help customers when they come in,” Clint added. “That’s why this job is so awesome.”

She hummed with agreement, and silence ensued once more as Clint tried to get back to his essay. She half-heartedly pulled her own textbook towards her but she couldn’t even get through reading the first line on the page, before her eyes darted once again to the closed office door on the left. She bit her lip nervously and drummed her fingers on the table. What was taking so long? It’d been almost forty-five minutes already!

Beside her, Clint let out a sigh and closed his laptop. “I give up,” he said, grabbing his things and began packing them up. “Guess I’m pulling an all nighter… What’s with you?”

“Do you think Steve is okay in there?” she asked, gesturing towards the closed door.

It had been a little over eight weeks since Steve had officially moved in with Natasha. For the most part, things were going well. There were a few things between them that were much improved and other things that probably could use a little more work. She had very little experience as far as being someone’s girlfriend went. Having never before been in a relationship, there were times when she had no clue how to act or what to say. Everything she knew of relationships, she learned from watching movies and from others around her. It all felt very awkward when she was actually the one in the situation, and she often found herself keeping quiet more often than not.

While she was absolutely thrilled with their development, it had definitely been an adjustment having a roommate that was also her boyfriend. Natasha, who’d been alone for most of her life, suddenly had someone that was there practically everyday, all day and night. Where before, she basically had to handle everything herself, she now found that Steve was there to help her with the little things. More often than not, Natasha came home from school with a list of chores that needed doing, only to find that Steve had already finished them without even being asked. It seemed that Steve was determined to help out where he could, where he was able.

And right now, he was currently getting interviewed by Nick Fury in his office, owner of _Fury’s Java Shop_ , for a job.

Clint rolled his eyes, but reached out and patted her shoulder sympathetically all the same. “We’ve been over this,” he said, half-exasperated and half-supportive. “You’re worrying too much. Listen, Fury knows a little bit of Steve’s situation, okay? I wouldn’t have suggested Steve work here if I didn’t think he could handle it.”

“Have I told you how grateful I am to you for arranging this interview?” 

“Yes. A million times. And like I told you, it would be a win-win situation. Fury needs the help, and Steve has something to do during the day while you’re in class,” Clint rolled his eyes once more but then tilted his head, leaning forward slightly so that he could study her. “How are you guys doing anyway? It looks like you’ve been getting more rest since he moved in with you.”

She bit her lip and smiled slightly, then shrugged. “Things are… good, for the most part. It’s nice having someone there when I come home, you know? It’s not so lonely anymore. And I’m learning new things about him everyday! Like… I found out he knows how to _cook._ He’s even better at it than me… and the things that he makes are delicious. The first time he made me pancakes for breakfast, I thought I’d died and gone to heaven. Gone are the days where I only eat cereal in the mornings. I mean, I don't have to eat sandwiches for lunch anymore if I don’t want too!”

“Well, sandwiches were all you really knew how to make anyway without burning your kitchen down,” Clint commented, which earned him a well-placed punch in the shoulder.

“And he also _cleans_. The apartment gets vacuumed once a week and the garbage actually gets taken out on time because he remembers the pick-up schedule. I don’t have much in the way of dishes, but they’re always washed and ready to be used for the next day! So, it’s been really nice.”

“But…” Clint prompted, sensing that there was something that she wasn’t saying.

She let out a small sigh, quickly glancing at the door to make sure it was still closed and Steve couldn’t hear what she was about to tell her best friend. “It’s just… I’m so happy Steve has decided to stay, and I love that I’m learning new things about him everyday… but I still don’t really _know_ him.”

“You mean… like the deeper stuff?”

“Yeah. He doesn’t really sleep well at night. He has nightmares sometimes… from his time in Iraq, I think,” she continued. “But he doesn’t really talk about his past. And sometimes I’ll wake up in the middle of the night, and he’s not in bed. I’ll find him outside on the balcony and he’s… he’s _far away_. Like, his body is physically with me, but his mind is elsewhere. I’m… I’m not sure if he’s happy staying with me,” she quietly murmured.

“Well,” Clint paused. “Have you asked him?”

Natasha shook her head. “I’ve been afraid too,” she admitted. “What if he says he’s not happy?”

“I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure that’s not the case,” Clint shrugged. “Have you seen the way he looks at you? It’s like you walk on water or something. If that’s not love, then I don’t know what is. The guy lights up whenever you walk into the room.”

“We’re supposed to be soulmates, but we’ve never even kissed…” Natasha trailed off, her insecurities getting the best of her. Now that she was confiding in Clint, it seemed all of it was starting to pour out all at once. “Other than a few hugs, we haven’t been very intimate. I’m supposed to know everything there is to know about him, right? But there’s still this… _distance_ between us. It’s kind of hard to explain.”

“Have you told him about you? Does he know how you grew up?”

She shook her head.

Clint snorted. “Isn’t _communication_ the basis of every relationship? I mean, if Oprah says it is, it must be true right?”

“Since when did you start watching Oprah?”

“I’ve got a three hour break in between classes,” he shrugged. “Sue me, if I need a little background noise while I study at home.” Silence fell between the two of them. “I think you should tell him how you feel, Tasha. You guys can’t fix anything if he doesn’t know what’s wrong, right?”

Natasha nodded, even if she didn’t feel as sure of herself. “Yeah… I guess so. It just feels all… very up in the air. I mean, he’s my soulmate… but do I also call him my boyfriend? Am I his girlfriend? I mean, in my head, I call him my boyfriend but we’ve never actually discussed it. What are we exactly? Are we a couple?”

“I don't know. You already know that you belong together… do you really need to put a label on what you guys have?” Clint patted her shoulder before getting up and turning to greet the customer that had just come into the shop. “Maybe you should ask someone who knows more about this relationship stuff. Maybe Wilson? He is married.”

Natasha nodded, getting lost in thought. It was sound advice.

Couldn’t hurt, right?

 

* * *

 

Half an hour later, Natasha snapped to attention when the door to Fury’s office opened and Steve stepped out with Nick following behind him. They shook hands and then Steve was heading towards her, while Fury headed back behind the counter to help out with the morning rush. She straightened and smiled up at Steve when he reached her. “How did it go?” she asked while waving at Nick. The man acknowledged her with a nod and went back to serving customers. 

Steve gave her a lopsided grin, looking proud. The excitement was evident on his face. “I start on Monday.”

“Yay!” she squealed, careful to keep her tone of voice at a reasonable level. She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tight. She felt him hesitate for just a second before he relaxed and wrapped his own arms around her waist. When they had first started living together, Natasha had caught on pretty quick that Steve seemed almost uncomfortable with how often she invaded his personal space. Once she had noticed, she had taken care to move more slowly when initiating any form of touch and as time went on, it took Steve less and less time to react. Now, he was even starting to initiate some hugs of his own, though it wasn’t as often as she would like. Still, Steve had come a long way in just two months.

“It’s only part-time hours to start with,” he told her as he pulled back slightly. “Three shifts a week. But if things go well, I’ll be able to work more. Nick said that the cafe is usually busier around finals week and that’s when I can have more hours added to my schedule if that’s what I wanted.”

Natasha nodded. It made sense. The coffee shop was located two blocks from campus and plenty of students came here to study throughout the year. Natasha had been to this particular shop plenty of times to do homework and to visit with Clint while he worked. Already she was looking forward to visiting Steve during school breaks. “That’s great, Steve,” she said warmly. “I’m really happy for you.”

Steve ducked his head shyly. “Did you still want to stay here for a bit?” he asked, eyeing her textbooks that were still strewn over the table she was sitting at. “I don’t mind staying if you need to study.”

“Nah,” she replied, quickly closing her books and stuffing them into her backpack. “I was trying to do some reading but nothing seems to be sticking. I think I’ll probably take the weekend off for once and just relax. Do you want to go and take a walk somewhere?”

He nodded. “Maybe we can stop by Sam’s office? I’d like to give him the good news.”

“Okay,” she agreed. And when Steve held out his hand to her, she felt her heart leap. Smiling widely, she intertwined her hand with his and together they left the shop, waving goodbye to Clint as they did so.

It was a bit of a walk to the VA but Natasha happily walked alongside Steve the whole way while holding hands. It was as if she was on cloud nine, this small gesture of intimacy filling her with so much joy that it felt like she was about to burst. It felt like they were just any other normal couple enjoying the time they got to spend together. It was a beautiful fall day, with the sun shining and the leaves on the trees beginning to change color. The air was cool and crisp, a sure sign that winter was on its way.

When they arrived, they found Sharon Carter sitting with Sam in his office finishing up their lunch date. Dressed casually in fitted jeans and a pink sweater, Sharon smiled warmly at them and Natasha felt a stab of jealousy go through her when she saw how at ease she and Sam were around each other. They were the only other pair of soulmates that Natasha knew personally. They weren’t shy about showing one another affection either and she wondered how they managed to make it look so easy.

“What brings you guys by the VA today?” Sam grinned, moving around his desk and leaning over to give Natasha a hug. For having once been homeless himself, Sam was sure calm and relaxed when being affectionate with people. He always seemed to be smiling, always seemed to be in a good mood. Natasha found it remarkable.

Steve ducked his head shyly, so Natasha filled in the silence for him. “Steve has some good news!” she told them cheerfully.

Sam looked over at Steve hopefully. “You got the job?”

Steve nodded, smiling.

Sam whooped, reaching over to clap Steve on the back. “Congrats, man! Why don’t you sit down and tell me all about it?” He looked over at the girls. “Mind if we have a few minutes?”

“Take your time,” Sharon assured. “We’ll just be out here.”

An awkward silence fell as she followed Sharon out and Sam’s office door closed behind them. Natasha could see the two of them through the window as they settled down. Steve was still smiling and he looked more relaxed as he sat down in the comfy lounge chair in front of Sam’s desk. There was no hint of the stoic man that she saw more often than not. Natasha frowned slightly as she took in the scene in front of her. Did Steve ever look that carefree in her presence? With Sam, it looked as if Steve was opening up and telling him things. While she was glad that Steve had someone like Sam, she wished he would share things with her too.

“Well, I can’t see the expression on your face, but your posture tells me that you’ve got something on your mind.”

Natasha turned and found that Sharon had settled comfortably on the couches provided. Her blonde hair fell over her shoulders in waves, which she brushed out of the way as she leaned forward slightly. There was something about Sharon that was just warm and inviting… and when she smiled and patted the seat next to her, Natasha had no hesitation as she headed over and sat down. Perhaps it would be better to talk to Sharon about her worries?

Sharon regarded her with a concerned look. “You alright?”

Natasha bit her lip. “Um… is it okay if I ask you a few things?”

“Of course you can,” Sharon shifted on the couch so that they were facing one another. “What’s the matter?”

“I’ve never been in a relationship before,” Natasha began. “I don’t really know what to do.”

Sharon’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

“I just… I don’t know how to be someone’s girlfriend. _Steve’s girlfriend._ The only thing I know about relationships are things that I learned from Disney movies and rom-coms… and I probably shouldn’t use episodes from _The Bachelor_ as a guide on what-to-do and what-not-to-do for relationships.”

The blonde let out a laugh at Natasha’s last statement and nodded. “That’s probably wise,” she agreed. “Are you and Steve having relationship trouble?”

“Well, not _trouble_ exactly… more like… I still don’t really know him? I mean, I know some stuff but… I don’t really know how to explain it,” Natasha shrugged.

“Ah,” Sharon nodded, as if she understood exactly what Natasha was referring too. “You’re worried that you and Steve don’t have a connection with one another even though you’re soulmates.”

As soon as Sharon said it, Natasha knew the words to be true. “You and Sam make it look so easy,” she mumbled.

The blonde laughed. “Oh Natasha,” she said, looking at her fondly. “Not all relationships are easy. In fact, I’m going to go out on a limb here, and say that _no_ relationship is easy. It’s not like there’s a list of rules you have to follow… all it takes is time and effort. And _a lot_ of patience.”

“So, how do you and Sam make it work? 

“Well, one of the things is communication, obviously,” she replied, looking thoughtful. “Don’t be afraid to tell Steve how you’re feeling… your emotions are valid and you are _his partner,_ and you have every right to let him know what you’re thinking. That’s what soulmates do, you’re there for each other through thick and thin.”

Natasha nodded. “Okay.”

“ _But_ ,” Sharon added with emphasis, and Natasha looked at her with a little bit of alarm. “You also have to remember this: his feelings are also valid, and he could react in a way that you _might not like_. Don’t ever let yourself get discouraged when that happens.”

“How do I get him to open up? How do I help build this connection?”

“Maybe start doing things together. What are his hobbies, interests?”

“I… I don’t really know,” Natasha murmured. “Usually I come home from school and we have dinner, and then maybe I do some more studying before we go to bed.”

“What do you guys do on the weekends?”

“Sometimes we watch tv… and um, well he helps me study. He actually quizzes me and tells me what he thinks about my papers and stuff…”

Sharon let out another laugh. “Well that’s very nice of him to help you out with school. He probably enjoys helping you.  But, I think you might want to start encouraging him to start living his life too. Don’t you think so?”

“Yes,” Natasha nodded. “Of course I want that. I want us to be happy together.”

“And you will. It just takes time. It’s not all rainbows and butterflies all the time. There will be days when it’s all you can do to not rip the other person’s head off… but that always fades. Your paths will grow together."

Natasha nodded and smiled at the blonde woman across from her with a grateful smile. “Thanks Sharon.”

“It’s no problem at all. If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here, alright?”

Sharon’s advice had given Natasha a lot to think about as they left the VA and headed towards the train station. It was helpful and Natasha felt hopeful that she and Steve would be able to connect with one another. After all, they had all the time in the world now, didn’t they? She would have to stop feeling so intimidated all the time if they were going to get anywhere. She could do this.

Grand Central station was busy and crowded with people, which was pretty typical for a Saturday. They maneuvered through the throngs of people and Natasha felt her lips pulling upwards into a smile as they came upon a familiar looking spot. The spot under the archways that was a little off to the side. _Their spot._ The spot where Steve sat every morning waiting for her. Where she brought breakfast and had one-sided conversations with him. Where it all began. She tugged on Steve’s arm and when he looked over at her, she tilted her head towards the archways. “Look,” she grinned.

A soft expression appeared on his face when he saw their spot, and he nodded in understanding. They had come so far from where they first started and still had a long ways to go yet. He gripped her hand a little tighter.

“Steve…” she trailed off, still a little unsure but she couldn’t let her self-doubt keep her quiet any longer. “...are you happy with me?”

“What?” Shock filled his features, and he looked at her with alarm. “Why would you ask me that?”

Her confidence wavered and she began to backtrack. “I-I just… I mean… it’s something I’ve been wondering.”

“Something that you’ve been _wondering_?”

Natasha bit her lip and shook her head. “I… never mind… let’s go home, okay?”

Steve looked like he wanted to argue, but then let it go and nodded. And for the rest of the day, there was a sense of awkwardness in the air. They skirted around each other, taking care to not get in each other’s way. It seemed to Natasha that Steve retreated even further into himself and she felt guilty for causing him to do so. Growing up, she had always assumed that once she found her soulmate, everything would just fall perfectly into place. And she was coming to find that it wasn’t like that at all.

Would they ever be able to truly connect with one another?

 

* * *

 

Natasha jolted awake. The room was quiet and pitch dark, and a quick look at the digital clock on her nightstand told her that it was three in the morning. Much to her disappointment, she was also alone in bed. Things had been very awkward earlier in the evening when they were both getting ready to settle down for the night. She and Steve hadn’t said much to one another, other than the usual ‘good night’ and she had fallen asleep filled with anxiety about the situation she had inadvertently caused. She wished she wasn’t so inept at expressing her feelings.

For a moment she laid there, wondering if she should try to go back to sleep. Eventually her curiosity won out, and her desire to know if Steve was alright dragged her from the warmth of her bed. She padded out quietly into the living room, relaxing slightly when she saw Steve sitting out on the balcony. He was gazing out at the New York Skyline, lit up in all its glory, looking deep in thought. It wasn’t the first time that Natasha found him like this.

 _But_ it was the first time she was going to join him outside.

Without really thinking about it, Natasha grabbed the blanket that was lying on the couch and slid the panel doors open. Steve turned as she stepped outside and smiled softly at her, tugging her close as she wrapped the blanket around the two of them. She settled comfortably next to him and felt a thrill of joy flow through her when he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. She leaned her head on his shoulder and for the first time since she had tried to initiate a heartfelt conversation with Steve, she felt completely at ease. All her worries from earlier had all melted away.

“I’m not used to having someone worrying about me.”

Natasha had started to feel herself slightly drifting but as soon as she heard Steve speak, her eyes snapped wide open. Instead of responding, she wrapped her arms around him and took a deep breath. She kept quiet, gazing up at him and waiting for him to continue.

“I think the last person that genuinely worried about me, was my mother… and she died when I was eighteen. Other than a childhood friend, and a couple of buddies in the army, I’ve been alone for most of my adult life.”

“But you’re not alone anymore, you have me.” She felt her heart fluttering when he shifted and pulled her even tighter to him than before.

“Earlier, when you asked if I was happy… all I could think was… ‘ _how could she not know?’_ And then I realized, I never told you,” he looked at her, his gaze intense and burning. Natasha felt it go right through her and she could hardly breathe, hardly daring to believe that Steve was _finally_ opening up to her. “I’m the happiest when I’m with you. My life is better with you in it. Just the sight of you, makes me happy.”

Tears sprang to her eyes and she couldn’t stop the wide grin from forming on her face. “Oh,” she said.

“I’m sorry that I caused you to have doubts about us.”

“It’s not that I have doubts about us… I just… I just want to _know_ you,” Natasha shook her head, wishing that she knew the right words to say. “We don’t really know each other that well… all we do is watch tv and cook… I mean, do you really just want to help me study all the time?”

Steve let out a laugh at her last comment, and Natasha couldn’t stop smiling as she watched him. _This_ was the kind of connection that she had been wanting all along.

“I do like helping you study,” he confirmed, scratching slightly at his beard. “You get this cute little crinkle near your eyebrow whenever you’re confused about something, and I like it when your eyes light up when you finally understand whatever theory you’re studying.”

She giggled, lightly shoving at him as he teased her. “That can’t be all you like to do.”

He was quiet for a moment. “I used to like to draw.”

“Really?” Natasha clasped her hands together in excitement. “I didn’t know you could draw!”

“It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to do it. I’m probably not very good anymore.”

“Well, you never know until you try,” she shrugged. “Let’s go to the art store first thing in the morning and buy you some supplies!”

He looked at her sharply, and shook his head. “Nat... _no_. It’s alright. You should save your money. You have tuition to think about.”

“ _Steve_. Please don’t fight me on this.”

“I promise you, I don’t need anything. You’ve already done so much for me, you shouldn’t have to spend your money on frivolous things like art supplies.”

“Steve,” she stared at him, wishing that he could see things from her point of view. All she wanted was to make him happy, couldn’t he understand that? Buying him some art supplies wasn’t that big of a deal as far as she was concerned. “First of all, we’re _partners_ now, okay? We’re soulmates… and that means that, _what’s mine is also yours_ . I’m more than happy to share everything I have with you. I’m excited that I _can_ share _everything_ with you.”

“Nat-”

She shook her head, reaching out to grasp his face with both of her hands, holding him so that he wouldn’t be able to look anywhere else but her. “You’re not alone anymore, Steve. Anything that comes our way, we can face them together. Your problems are my problems.”

He held her gaze and then took a deep breath, letting out a sigh in defeat. “And your problems are my problems,” he nodded with agreement. He held her closer, bringing their foreheads together and smiled at her fondly. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but I’m so grateful I get to call you mine.”

She leaned into him, inhaling his musky, woodsy scent… something that was just uniquely Steve. “That makes two of us.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're gonna leave a comment, please let them be nice ones! Kudos and comments are always appreciated! :D


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